ORANGE ALERT!

Attention readers: please be aware that today is the first day of the season of delight--PUMPKIN SPICE delight that is! Proceed immediately to your nearest Starbucks and treat yourself to an unbeatable taste sensation. I don't care if you like pumpkin or not (in fact there is no discernable pumpkin taste, just a medley of deliciousness), it is your duty to help me make this beverage so successful that they carry it year round. But don't take one of those lame ass printouts for a free iced beverage, which is apparently a hoax of some sort. I was told that only originals are valid, though it clearly states that you should "print and present this email" so if you were in the mood to argue you could probably get them to put out. I was so dazzled by the anticipation of my pumpkin spice pleasure that I couldn't read the small print until I returned to the office, but I assure you this drink is worth every penny. Now GO!

Wedding by the numbers

So most of you have heard about the plans for my best friend Julia’s wedding over the past year, and it finally happened last weekend. BBeing part of the bridal party and an entire week of excitement leading up to the big day was an honor. And so to return the favor, I thought I’d write up a special entry dedicated to Julia and Tyler, so you all could share in the experience too. Since Julia’s an accountant and she looooooves numbers almost as much as she loves her new husband, I’m gonna break it down for you:

Average hours of sleep per night leading up to the wedding: 5

Average cocktails per night leading up to the wedding: 5

Bottles of champagne purchased for getting ready on Saturday: 6

Bottles of champagne that made it to Saturday: 0

Pins needed to hold up a masterpiece of hair architecture: 52

Pimples developed just in time for the wedding: 3

Hours it took the bridal party to get ready: 7

Hours it took the groomsmen to get ready: 0.7

Hours spent wearing the pink bridesmaid dress: 10

Hours spent worrying about the pink bridesmaid dress: 100

Lovely ladies standing next to me in the pink bridesmaid dress, thus diverting attention: 3

Times I said “Can you even believe it?!”: Approximately 1,000,000

Seconds it took for the tears to start when I heard “Here Comes the Bride:” 0.24

Times the groom said “I DO!” because he was so eager to be married: 2

Shots the best man had waiting for the wedding party as we walked out of the ceremony: 10

People it took to help the bride (and her dress) use the bathroom: 2

Spins the bride and groom worked into 2 minutes of dancing: 8

Gay men my mom slow danced with: 1

Straight men I slow danced with: 1

Bites of delicious lemon cake I had time to eat: 4

Trips to the chocolate fountain: 4

Prettier brides I've seen: 1 (my sister of course)

Happier grooms I've seen: 1 (my brother-in-law of course)

Weddings I've had more fun at: 0 (too young to have real fun--read: booze--at my sister's)

Brides I've seen in full make-up, hair, tiara, veil, and jammies: 1 (and I highly recommend the look, too adorable)

Times I said goodnight before I tore myself away from the after party: 8

Professional pictures taken: 560

Pictures I looked good in: 2

Cost of being a bridesmaid: $700+

Bar tab charged to my room by persons unknown: $16

Lucky bamboo wedding favors I came home with: 7

Near-fatal spider bites I came home with: 1

Fond memories I came home with: 1,001

So those are the cold, hard facts. If I got into the warm and gushy feelings the entry would just look like “Cry cry cry, I love you guys so much! Boo hoo hoo, I’m so happy for you! Wah wah wah, where is my cocktail?” In closing, and in deference to Julia’s mad fear of sharing personal information online, I’d just like to say CONGRATULATIONS Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and I can’t believe you went to Jamaica without me.

The only thing more boring than no post

Okay you people keep harassing me about posting, so this is what you get:

I've been pretty busy and a bit stressed lately which is not a big deal at all because it is all good stuff, just requires a lot of brainpower. So when I'm asleep my mind is obviously making up for lost wandering time. I've had several bizarre dreams and I'm sure you're just dying to hear about them.

Last night I dreamt Tim and I were having a party at our apartment, which was actually my old apartment in Walnut Creek, but it was located down the street from my parent's house in El Sobrante, in this little corner market. Things were going pretty well except I was really worried about the number of people there. I kept saying "I had 25 people over for the Passion Party and that was too many!"

Luckily, the whole thing started falling apart so people began to leave. Jamie's boyfriend lost a key of some sort (for some reason I think it was a mail box key) so that led to some confusion as we all looked for it, but the bigger problem arose when we realized that one of the guests was missing as well. The missing person was an older Asian gentleman (from an episode of This Old House I watched before bed), and I was quite sure he was dead in a ditch, so when Shelley showed up unexpectedly from PA, I was regrettably too busy worrying about him to chat with her. Thanks for stopping by though Shel.

To make matters worse all of these other people who I did not know started showing up, but they said they knew a girl named Beverly Aikens who went to the same pre-school as my sister so they seemed to feel entitled to drink my booze. And they certainly couldn't be bothered to help us look for the poor old Asian dude. Of course what could I expect, Tim wasn't even helping me out. He was too busy rough housing with his brother, and taking out his earrings, two things which, when combined, apparently led to bloodshed. I was fairly upset, as you can imagine.

And then I woke up.