Introducing...

To be a good blogger I need to have like bits, right? And then I can categorize my entries and you can search the archives very efficiently. Well, I'll file this one under:

RANTS!!

IS IT REALLY SO HARD TO GET A BAGEL ORDER RIGHT? Apparently it is. I work at one of the preeminent universities in the world, so one would assume that the kids who work at the Noah's here are students, and therefore some of the brightest minds in the country, right? WRONG.

What can you really do to screw up a bagel, you ask? Let's see, you can forget to toast it, you can burn it, you can forget the cream cheese (even though I just told you that the pumpkin cream cheese is the only reason I come in), you can give me the wrong fucking type of bagel, you can cut it all unevenly, you can not cut it all, and you know what I bet there are at least six other things those idiots could come up with just to annoy me. And it takes them about 15 minutes to get this incorrect order together, goddamn it anyway!

But seriously people, the pumpkin cheesecake cream cheese is worth whatever they throw at you. Go now. Just check your fucking order before you leave.

You know what I haven't done in a long time?

One of these "Get to know your friends" quizzes!

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6am, 6:30am, 7:20am, 7:40am
2. Diamonds or pearls? Prince said he would give me both.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Haiku time!

I did see Flightplan.
Jodie Foster did not suck.
Golden popcorn, mmm.

4. What is your favorite TV show? Hey Dude
5. What did you have for breakfast? Golden Grahams
6. What is your middle name? Safety is my middle name!
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Lean
8. What foods do you dislike? Ones that are arrogant and dishonest.
9. What is your favorite chip? Ruffles sour cream and cheddar, with a Coke, preferably for breakfast.
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Alice 97.3
11. What kind of car do you drive? I believe they call it a "sports coupe."
12. What is your favorite sandwich? Twenty friendship points to anyone who can answer this.
13. What characteristics do you despise? Arrogance and dishonesty.
14. Favorite item of clothing? Flip flops, and NOTHING ELSE BABY!
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Kenosha, WI
16. What color is your bathroom? I pretend that it is not pink.
17. Favorite brand of clothing? Most anything at Tar-zhay.
18. Where would you want to retire to? The coast
19. Favorite time of day? bedtime
20. Where were you born? Berkeley, and goddamn it I seem to be stuck here!
21. Favorite sport to watch? Beefcakes in the Kitchen
22. Who do you least expect to send this back? Everyone
23. Person you expect to send it back first? Nobody
24. What type of detergent do you use? Liquid, I think it makes clothes smell better.
25. Coke or Pepsi? IS THERE ANY QUESTION??
26. Are you a morning person or night owl? I'm more about the midday.
27. What size shoe do you wear? 6.5-8.5
28. Do you have pets? Yep, two fish. Both named Fish.
29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? I'm pregnant!*
30. What did you want to be when you were little? The ice cream man. But I see now that that would have required too much surgery.
31. Favorite Candy Bar? Fun size.
32. What is your best childhood memory? One time my brother and his friends found an alien and brought it home to live in the closet. We ate Reese’s Pieces and played dress up!
33. What are the different jobs you have had in your life? Nothing exciting. You guys know I used to strip, right?
34 What color underwear are you wearing? Why do you always just assume I’m wearing underwear?
35. Nicknames: Bev, Bevie, Bevmo, Crusher
36. Piercing? My sister made me try piercing her belly button once, that was a great idea.
37. Eye color? Mostly white
38. Ever been to Africa? Only in my dreams
39. Ever been toilet papered? Only in stupid baby/wedding shower games
40. Love someone so much it made you cry? It wasn’t so much the loving as it was what came after ha
41. Been in a car accident? Never! I am an exceptionally good driver!
42. Croutons or bacon bits? On a salad: croutons. Straight up: bacon bits.
43. Favorite day of the week? Hump day, heh
44. Favorite restaurant? Delancey Street. I *heart* felons!
45. Favorite flower? All purpose
46. Favorite ice cream? Astronaut
47. Disney or Warner Brothers? Is this some big controversy I was unaware of?
48. Favorite fast food restaurant? I love me some JitB
49. What color is your bedroom carpet? I have a blue flowered throw rug that matched like six duvets ago.
50. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Never! I am an exceptionally good driver!
51. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail? I’ll guess and say Krissy, that would be right about 93% of the time.
52. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? If I’m spending frivolously and irresponsibly, may as well go with Tiffany.
53. What do you do most often when you are bored? I’m usually too drunk to be bored.
55. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire? I’d like to see what that "Filter gold now!" guy has to say.
56. Last person you went out to eat with? TIMMY TIM!!!!!!!! WOOOOO!!!!!!!
57. Ford or Chevy? Acura
58. What are you listening to right now? My sick coworker’s germ explosion
61. How many tattoos do you have? 2
62. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? I wish I could remember the dirty joke punch line
63. How many people are you sending this email to? The whole wide internet
64. Time you finished this e-mail? 2:27pm and then I lost half of it and had to put in another 20 mins. Your tax dollars hard at work right here!

*Calm down people, I’m kidding. But Leah and Olav just announced to the blog world that they are expecting a wee one, CONGRATS!!

And how was your weekend?

Mine was great, in that "I didn't actually do anything" way...stayed in bed for hours and hours after waking up, only getting up when the need for a pumpkin spice latte (god bless Starbucks!) and eventually a breakfast burrito became overwhelming, and really I can't think of a better way to start the day.

Finally got out of the house around 3:30, made a very productive trip to Target, then had dinner with my family which was Tim's second visit to the circus of Mom, Dad, Sis, Bro-in-law, two nephews, one grandma, one dog, and a partridge in a pear tree. It was a blast! And of course since it was a Saturday night we had to hit "da club," and let me tell you we found this awesome place called "Aisle 27 at Fry's Electronics." The DJs are spinning your favorite club hits, at max volume to see if the systems they're looking at will annoy the neighbors enough (here's a hint: FUCK YES they will, turn that shit down!). I especially loved the mash ups of everyone testing a different system at the same time, that really had me droppin it like it was hot.

On Sunday Timmy Tim and I went to EVERY OTHER electronics store in the East Bay and still did not find a DVD player at a decent price with the funny little square plug-in thing that he was looking for to add to the evolving home theater system. But luckily Target came to the rescue as usual and he's got everything mostly hooked up now so he's super stoked. And I swear I have never been so excited to watch two movies I have absolutely no interest in (Star Wars and The Matrix). The SOUND! And the PICTURE! They were--just like regular TV, sorry sweetie. But now I don't have to wear my glasses to see the TV across the room, that's a plus.

So yep, that was about it, but it was terrific.

I'll post anything to get out of writing an actual entry.

1. What is your full name? Beverly Gayle Ingram
2. What color pants are you wearing? Why do you always just assume I'm wearing pants??
3. What are you listening to right now? The sound of silence
4. What was the last thing you ate? A toasted whole wheat sesame bagel from Noah's with pumpkin cheesecake cream cheese on the side, which doesn't sound too difficult but they still managed to screw my order up.
5. Do you wish on stars? Yes, Paris Hilton is my favorite!
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Didn't they used to have a totally non-PC, peachy color called "skin"?
7. How is the weather right now? They don't like us to think about outside when we're working.
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My punk-ass sister, Jen
9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? I like her in a "She's friends with Haydee" way.
10. How old are you today? 27, all day long!
11. Favorite drink? The one I will be having at 5:01 pm tonight
12. Favorite sport? TV
13. Hair color? Dark blonde
14. Do you wear contacts? yes
15. Siblings? Jennifer and (little known fact alert) Tammy
16. Favorite month? September
17. Favorite food? Any Asian
18. What was the last movie you saw? I've seen about the first 45 mins of lots of movies lately.
19. Favorite day of the year? Thanksgiving! Mmmm, gravy.
20. What do you do to vent anger? I drink until the pain goes away.
21. What was your favorite toy as a child? Whatever the commercials told me I HAD TO HAVE!
22. Summer or winter? Winter
23. Hugs or kisses? Lots of both
24. Chocolate or vanilla? Lots of both
25. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? Yes, or I will feel sad and alone.
26. Who is most likely to respond? Anyone who is as bored as I am today
27. Who is least likely to respond? Well Leah is obviously far too busy for silly things like this.
28. When was the last time you cried? Probably in Rome. Stupid Italian train idiots.
29. What is under your bed? Nothing, I am clutter free!
30. Who is the friend you have had the longest? David, but does anyone actually "have" this wild mustang?
31. What did you do last night? Ask Tim ;-)
32. What are you afraid of? Being sad and alone, so please email me.
33. Plain, buttered or salted popcorn? Garlic and parmesan.
34. Favorite car? Chauffeured
35. Favorite flower? Ones I did not buy for myself.
Now it is your turn, let me hear from you

What, like I'm going to work for the last hour of the day?

Okay guys, I'm just test driving this whole blog thing, and now I realize that I don't necessarily have much to say. Unless you want me to start talking shit, I can do that all day long for damn sure. But until someone pisses me offf enough to get called out in cyberspace, we're going with a Seinfeld-esque blog about nothing:

As of yesterday, I have officially been at my job for five VERY LONG years. It's amazing that I lasted this long really, this place is totally crazy. I will refrain from talking detailed shit because we all know that's a bad idea in a public forum, but suffice to say that the administration of this institution does not live up to it's renowned place in the academic world.

I've started looking at other opportunities and honestly it is making me pretty nervous. I mean I 'm sure I will eventually get a job, it is just going to be a lot of work finding one and I'm rusty since I haven't been on an interview for five years and one week. And then I will have to learn all sorts of new things, and meet new people, and maybe even commute more, yuck. Boo hoo hoo, poor me! But since I plan to be paid a whole hell of a lot more than I'm making now it should all be worth it. So send me good vibes and any leads you have in the non-profit arena, preferably in the $100K+ range, thanks!

And now, a blog haiku.

I think people post such crazy shit just so their friends don't get all "Blah blah blah, you never update" so here ya go:

Go to the dentist.
See Flightplan with my mother.
This will be my day.

Is this thing on??

Okay guys, due to popular demand (What? Julienne and Shelley are popular!) I am back and blogging better than ever. Except instead of better it will probably be boring since I am not traveling the world anymore. But I know you are all dying to hear about the creepy man at the oil change place and the dirty dirty movies I have seen since I got back, and I certainly would not want to rob you of those vicarious experiences, so surf back for all of the latest updates on my thrill-a-minute life!

Oh and if you want some link love email me with your blog address, all the cool kids have one now you know.