Heavy on the spectacular, light on the frankfurters

Okay I PROMISED Julienne I would post over the weekend and I didn't, I am a terrible person. But what, you actually expect me to sit at home blogging when there is porn to be viewed on the internets!?? Yes, that is actually one of the first things I did on my new computer, just because I could. And let me tell you, midget porn is just WRONG.

But let me tell you about my journey to the world wide web of sick motherfuckers...it took not one, not two, but THREE visits from my friendly Alameda Power and Telecom installer to finally get online, not to mention a quick switch in cable companies and the purchase of a modem that I may or may not actually need. You all know how excited I was to get my new computer rolling and so I was waiting bright and early last Saturday morning for the guy to show up. When he finally arrived at 11:30 (for my 8am-12pm service window) he told me I couldn't have Comcast cable and AP&T cable internet, so I was pretty much ready to give up and go live in a cave. But luckily Tim was there to talk me down and after several calls to both companies I ended up with AP&T internet, cable, DVR, and they even threw in HBO for a ridiculously good price. And they were able to send the guy back out the same day to go ahead with the installation! I've always said that living in Alameda is like stepping back into the 1950s and so I'm glad that at least some of the costs and services are reflective of that. Now if only they showed movies for a nickel...

So anyway, that was the excitment from two weekends ago (oh and there were many dildos on Sunday but that's old news by now), even though I really don't consider it that exciting anymore. Things are starting to get busy, and I'm very excited that Nazli and I will be participating in the Hike for Discovery, so keep your eyes on this space for lots of updates on things you may or may not give a crap about!

You will totally forgive me for my lack of posting...

When you spend hours and days cracking up over these. Be sure to look at the page headers, the titles are hilarious...

And to keep you busy in the meantime...

If you had a band it would be called:

Blah blah blah

Okay, Julienne reminded me that I hadn't updated my blog in "4-eva" so I thought I'd post something just to shut her up...I have lots to say about my disasterous bagel breakfast on Tuesday, my questionable new office location, and my super fantastic new home coputer (which I have named "Fluffy") but all of that will have to wait until next week when I will have the internet up and running at home, as my boss could come looking over my shoulder at any moment from her convenient new location directly across from my cube. So sit tight, and call me if there is any major breaking celeb gossip since I have actually been working rather than reading Hollywood blogs all week.

What my apartment would look like if I lived in a studio:

But thankfully, this giant pile of crap is almost entirely gone, and is soon to be replaced by my new desk and COMPUTER (if it ever arrives--I paid $89 for S&H and it is still going to be like two weeks, argh)!



That's right, I'm racing into the 21st century, and will soon have the internets in my very own living room. It's like magic!

I also researched internet phone options and it looks like Net Zero Voice will be perfect. I can get a 510 number to use for the intercom and have it forwarded for free to my cell phone, all for the bargain price of $4/month. So now you people can email/call/drop by any time! Not that I'm going to respond/answer/buzz you in, but I could if I wanted to!

When all else fails, copy your friends

Okay, I am too lazy to think up my own topic (and let's face it, Christmas and moving are so 2005), so I am copying Julienne. This is what kept me up last night:

Around 4am I woke up with a pain in the lower right side of my belly. Obviously I caught Shelley's appendicitis. But at that hour of the morning I really didn't care about my impending surgery, my mind immediately jumped to all of the wonderful visitors I would have when I returned home from the hospital. And I was very worried about how you all would get in to deliver my flowers since I don't have the door buzzer hooked up yet, and I will be too infirm to traipse out and let you in. That settles it; I'm getting a home phone. Actually, does anyone know about internet phone options? Specifically something hella cheap? I don't need to make any calls, just have a 510 # to hook up to the intercom.

Also, sometime earlier in the night I got up to use the bathroom and almost tripped over the cable Tim ran from the living room to the bedroom last night (but we didn't have those handy clippy things to tidy it up). And so, being the exceptionally thoughtful person that I am, I decided to open the mirrored closet door that is directly across from my bedroom door so that if either of us did get tangled up in the cable, at least we wouldn't shatter the mirror with our faces. Safety first!

Eventually I got to sleep and had some crazy dream about fighting with Tim because he wouldn't divorce his wife, which made me late for a movie, which turned out to be a play (at the mall of course), which was a combination of the fabulous film Center Stage and the musical (that I have never seen) Sweeney Todd. The end.

Damn, I was busy last night; no wonder I'm so tired!

All this time and I still don't have anything to say

Well I made it to 2006, and to be honest with you there were some times I didn't think I would! But now that the holidays and moving are behind me I'm working hard to get my head screwed back on and I will resume posting when my thoughts consist of something more than "Boxes, whaaaaa!!!"

LOVE YOU ALL and wish you the very, very best for the coming year!