Wedding by the numbers

So most of you have heard about the plans for my best friend Julia’s wedding over the past year, and it finally happened last weekend. BBeing part of the bridal party and an entire week of excitement leading up to the big day was an honor. And so to return the favor, I thought I’d write up a special entry dedicated to Julia and Tyler, so you all could share in the experience too. Since Julia’s an accountant and she looooooves numbers almost as much as she loves her new husband, I’m gonna break it down for you:

Average hours of sleep per night leading up to the wedding: 5

Average cocktails per night leading up to the wedding: 5

Bottles of champagne purchased for getting ready on Saturday: 6

Bottles of champagne that made it to Saturday: 0

Pins needed to hold up a masterpiece of hair architecture: 52

Pimples developed just in time for the wedding: 3

Hours it took the bridal party to get ready: 7

Hours it took the groomsmen to get ready: 0.7

Hours spent wearing the pink bridesmaid dress: 10

Hours spent worrying about the pink bridesmaid dress: 100

Lovely ladies standing next to me in the pink bridesmaid dress, thus diverting attention: 3

Times I said “Can you even believe it?!”: Approximately 1,000,000

Seconds it took for the tears to start when I heard “Here Comes the Bride:” 0.24

Times the groom said “I DO!” because he was so eager to be married: 2

Shots the best man had waiting for the wedding party as we walked out of the ceremony: 10

People it took to help the bride (and her dress) use the bathroom: 2

Spins the bride and groom worked into 2 minutes of dancing: 8

Gay men my mom slow danced with: 1

Straight men I slow danced with: 1

Bites of delicious lemon cake I had time to eat: 4

Trips to the chocolate fountain: 4

Prettier brides I've seen: 1 (my sister of course)

Happier grooms I've seen: 1 (my brother-in-law of course)

Weddings I've had more fun at: 0 (too young to have real fun--read: booze--at my sister's)

Brides I've seen in full make-up, hair, tiara, veil, and jammies: 1 (and I highly recommend the look, too adorable)

Times I said goodnight before I tore myself away from the after party: 8

Professional pictures taken: 560

Pictures I looked good in: 2

Cost of being a bridesmaid: $700+

Bar tab charged to my room by persons unknown: $16

Lucky bamboo wedding favors I came home with: 7

Near-fatal spider bites I came home with: 1

Fond memories I came home with: 1,001

So those are the cold, hard facts. If I got into the warm and gushy feelings the entry would just look like “Cry cry cry, I love you guys so much! Boo hoo hoo, I’m so happy for you! Wah wah wah, where is my cocktail?” In closing, and in deference to Julia’s mad fear of sharing personal information online, I’d just like to say CONGRATULATIONS Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and I can’t believe you went to Jamaica without me.