Beverly: A Broad

FINALLY something worth posting about!

2007-08-30T17:57:00.000-07:00

Go, you can thank me later! Come back with a comment and if anyone is still reading this thing I'll tell you all about my first PSL experience of the season. I actually got a little choked up...

Overheard in Orinda

2007-06-17T22:01:00.000-07:00

"They're showers not growers." (Cal Shakes performance at the truly classy Bruns Amphitheater)

Overheard in Alameda

2007-06-13T20:49:00.000-07:00

"He doesn't know anything about plastics!" (Lower Washington Park softball field, A-town)

Did you feel it?

2007-03-01T20:52:00.000-08:00

The USGS wants to know...and since they are the ones funding my grandma's retirement, I suggest you all help out the cause.

Bullshit

2007-02-27T19:54:00.000-08:00

Has anyone seen the commercial for Trix with "New shape! Same great taste!"? Well I hate to ruin the surprise for you, but the "new shape" is really the good old fashioned puff from when we were kids, replacing the current sort of indeterminate flower. What, did their fancy cereal shaping machine cut into their profit margin too much? Can't they just call it Trix Classic or something? Why all the lies General Mills? You're not fooling anyone, we all remember the original puffs.

Any ideas?

2007-02-07T20:37:00.000-08:00

I found this picture on my Ipod Shuffle, which I bought refurbished a couple years ago. I really haven't done anything with the files on it since Haydee and Walt first helped me load it up with songs, and I've certainly never used it to store pictures so I have no idea where this came from. What do you guys think? What the hell are those things? How can I make money off this?

Why yes, I am famous!

2007-01-10T12:18:00.000-08:00

Thank you for noticing!

And big thanks of course to Krissy for making my wildest blogging dreams come true...

Tiki Tuesdays: Oopsie

2006-12-19T19:54:00.000-08:00

Little did I know that "posting the cat" was basically jumping the shark in blog terms. Apparently I've committed blog hara-kiri , but really I think it was reflective of where I was at at the time. I've been having lots of fun with the new job but it is keeping me hopping so I don't really care to sit at a computer when I get home. Not to mention I'd have to wrestle Tim out of the desk chair. Which I could totally do now with my mad defensive skillz (the key is bending the fingers backward). Oh yeah did I tell you I'm taking karate? And ballet? Well I was until last week anyway. Point being, I've been busy but I plan to be BACK in 2007 baby, and blogging better than ever! I may give Tiki one more chance to shine though, I think she's got a heartwarming story about bringing people together, perfect for the holidays...

Tiki says: "This is bullshit."

Cute Things My Nephews Say 2: Electric Cute-aloo

2006-11-11T22:23:00.000-08:00

Bev: Bye Nathan, I love you!
Nathan: Bye Bev, I love your earrings!

Tiki Tuesdays! Cats love the internet

2006-11-07T17:44:00.000-08:00

Tiki has shown a marked increase in teh internets since her blog posts rocketed up to #5 on the Google search results and it got her thinking about her favorite websites.

Like angsty pre-teens everywhere (Tiki is 12 human years old for those of you keeping score at home) she knows that she can always find someone who understands how hard her life is and how unreasonable her parents simply by clicking over here.

Of course Tiki also likes to surf the 'net looking for freaks, so she clicks over here to remind that she doesn't have it so bad.

And she doesn't talk about it much, but even Tiki gets "lonely" sometimes (she is over 60 in cat years after all), so late at night you may find her here.

That's pretty much it, along with all of your blogs and cnn.com of course. So Tiki wants to know, what are your favorites?

(Tiki doesn't love blogger.com, because it wouldn't let her upload any pictures this week, boo.)

Tagless MY ASS!

2006-11-03T15:38:00.000-08:00

Am I the only one who hates all of these new "tag free for added comfort" t-shirts? My problem is basically that they are full of shit. I've found that the shirts (from a variety of fine retailers such as Old Navy, Target, and Mervyn's) are not so much "tag free" as they are "tag in a different and more annoying place." The new spot seems to be on a side seam, perfectly positioned to tickle you all day long, which is not nearly as much fun as it sounds.

Was the good old nape of the neck tag really such a problem? I mean sure, sometimes it would stick out, but was that really so embarrassing? I suppose the age old debate of form vs. function has reared its ugly head again. At any rate, I declare shenanigans.

Tiki Tuesdays: Snack time!

2006-10-31T17:33:00.000-08:00

One thing you should know about Tiki is that she looooooooves cheese*. I think it is one of those "pets resembling their owners" things because it's Tim's favorite snack too. I've tried to limit her consumption since she came to live here, but she still comes running when she hears the smooth sound of a knife slicing through cheddar. Or most other cheeses for that matter, she has a very well developed palate. A recent favorite was a nice aged gouda, and smoked salmon cream cheese just about sends her into fits. One exception is string cheese. She'll still beg for a bite and give it a good sniff, but she turns up her nose every time. I think she's crazy, but hey that just means more strings for me.

*Yes I know pets should not eat people food. Take it up with Tim.

Tiki says: "Where's the fondue pot?"

Tiki Tuesdays!

2006-10-24T20:46:00.000-07:00

Due to an overwhelming demand for MORE POSTING I decided what I really needed was a blog gimmick to keep me updating regularly. So I'm instituting TIKI TUESDAYS, because nothing says fun like a Tiki theme! Oh and by Tiki, I mean Tim's cat. Did you even know Tim has a cat? Well he does, and therefore, by extension so do I. She's actually one of the coolest cats I've ever had and sometimes it even seems like she likes me more than she likes Tim, so overall she has been a great addition to the Ingram family. But since you'll probably never see her in person (sociable, she is not) I decided to pimp her here, for all to enjoy!

One of Tiki's fun quirks is that she picks a new spot every few days and lies there until another one catches her fancy. It's a hot topic around our house and so I'm bringing it to the people. I give you Tiki's Spot of the Week:

Tiki's Spot of the Week is--Bev's laundry!

So close, and yet so far...

2006-10-12T14:15:00.000-07:00

Let's just cross trapeze arts right off the list of my possible hidden talents...

And if you're wondering how that was supposed to go, watch the lovely Jamie:

10 Things I Love About Hockey

2006-10-06T09:01:00.000-07:00

**And now I present a blast from the past! I started composing this post last May at the end of the '05/'06 NHL season, and before I knew it the '06/'07 season snuck up behind me. It kicked off yesterday and I'm happy to inform you that the Oilers are now undefeated. So, in their honor, and as a special shout out to my favorite hockey fan, I give you 10 Things I Love About Hockey (which is actually only five at the moment, but I'll keep you posted as more come up):

As some of you know, Tim is just a little bit of a hockey fan, so this season I've become a little bit of a hockey fan. My favorite team is the New Jersey Devils. I didn't catch any of their games this year, but I love their backstory. The Devs (as I like to call them) didn't make it far into the playoffs, but luckily Tim's team, the Edmonton Oilers, is still going strong. They are actually in the final four (or whatever you call it in hockey) and we're watching them beat up on the Anaheim Ducks right now. Like, literally. They are just brawling out there on the ice. They had a cumulative total of 40 minutes of penalties in the first eight minutes! It's awesome. So I've been inspired to tell you ten of my favorite things about hockey (in no particular order):

The penalty box. Let's face it, most professional sports players are just little boys, so it's only right to give them a time out now and then. Although they do have this bullshit rule that allows you to sub somebody for you. How great would that have been when you got grounded in junior high?

The players fall down a lot. How often do you see that in professional sports? That would get you fired on most teams! I have to give them credit of course, because I can hardly chew gum while ice skating, let alone hit a puck and punch a dude. I'm just saying though, I rarely go sprawling across the floor at work. Let's be professionals.

The goalie's helmets. This protective headgear is a work of...well I can't exactly say art, but it is certainly airbrushing at its finest. You don't get quality like this at that booth at Great America. Somebody obviously spent a lot of time working on the design, and I would like to meet the fine craftsmen (or women) whose work we see here --->

It's played practically year 'round. See above re: this season sneaking up on me. '05/'06 ended like five minutes ago, and already they're back on the ice. Isn't this supposed to be a winter sport? But it's cool because the playoffs last like six months and all of the teams are in them, which I think is only fair.

Tim loves it. I just find it funny that a cute little boy from Anaheim, CA grew up loving this classic Canadian sport. Note that this was pre-Mighty Ducks, though neither the Disney movie nor the Disney-owned team did much to inspire. Somehow he got hooked, and he's still a fan right down to his garters. Oh that's right, all those tough guys are out there wearing lingerie. And somehow he sucked me right in too.

So as we look forward to the '06/'07 season, and the triumphant return of the Edmonton Oilers to the Stanley Cup finals, I urge you all to put on a scarf and catch a game. After a while you may even be able to see the puck!

Happy Day!

2006-09-19T10:02:00.000-07:00

Avast me hearties, according to No Eyes Roberta (known to you landlubbers as James), it's Talk Like a Pirate Day! I'm going to celebrate by hitting Ikea's T-rate Day sale.

ORANGE ALERT!

2006-08-29T15:52:00.000-07:00

Attention readers: please be aware that today is the first day of the season of delight--PUMPKIN SPICE delight that is! Proceed immediately to your nearest Starbucks and treat yourself to an unbeatable taste sensation. I don't care if you like pumpkin or not (in fact there is no discernable pumpkin taste, just a medley of deliciousness), it is your duty to help me make this beverage so successful that they carry it year round. But don't take one of those lame ass printouts for a free iced beverage, which is apparently a hoax of some sort. I was told that only originals are valid, though it clearly states that you should "print and present this email" so if you were in the mood to argue you could probably get them to put out. I was so dazzled by the anticipation of my pumpkin spice pleasure that I couldn't read the small print until I returned to the office, but I assure you this drink is worth every penny. Now GO!

Wedding by the numbers

2006-08-18T15:05:00.000-07:00

So most of you have heard about the plans for my best friend Julia’s wedding over the past year, and it finally happened last weekend. BBeing part of the bridal party and an entire week of excitement leading up to the big day was an honor. And so to return the favor, I thought I’d write up a special entry dedicated to Julia and Tyler, so you all could share in the experience too. Since Julia’s an accountant and she looooooves numbers almost as much as she loves her new husband, I’m gonna break it down for you:

Average hours of sleep per night leading up to the wedding: 5

Average cocktails per night leading up to the wedding: 5

Bottles of champagne purchased for getting ready on Saturday: 6

Bottles of champagne that made it to Saturday: 0

Pins needed to hold up a masterpiece of hair architecture: 52

Pimples developed just in time for the wedding: 3

Hours it took the bridal party to get ready: 7

Hours it took the groomsmen to get ready: 0.7

Hours spent wearing the pink bridesmaid dress: 10

Hours spent worrying about the pink bridesmaid dress: 100

Lovely ladies standing next to me in the pink bridesmaid dress, thus diverting attention: 3

Times I said “Can you even believe it?!”: Approximately 1,000,000

Seconds it took for the tears to start when I heard “Here Comes the Bride:” 0.24

Times the groom said “I DO!” because he was so eager to be married: 2

Shots the best man had waiting for the wedding party as we walked out of the ceremony: 10

People it took to help the bride (and her dress) use the bathroom: 2

Spins the bride and groom worked into 2 minutes of dancing: 8

Gay men my mom slow danced with: 1

Straight men I slow danced with: 1

Bites of delicious lemon cake I had time to eat: 4

Trips to the chocolate fountain: 4

Prettier brides I've seen: 1 (my sister of course)

Happier grooms I've seen: 1 (my brother-in-law of course)

Weddings I've had more fun at: 0 (too young to have real fun--read: booze--at my sister's)

Brides I've seen in full make-up, hair, tiara, veil, and jammies: 1 (and I highly recommend the look, too adorable)

Times I said goodnight before I tore myself away from the after party: 8

Professional pictures taken: 560

Pictures I looked good in: 2

Cost of being a bridesmaid: $700+

Bar tab charged to my room by persons unknown: $16

Lucky bamboo wedding favors I came home with: 7

Near-fatal spider bites I came home with: 1

Fond memories I came home with: 1,001

So those are the cold, hard facts. If I got into the warm and gushy feelings the entry would just look like “Cry cry cry, I love you guys so much! Boo hoo hoo, I’m so happy for you! Wah wah wah, where is my cocktail?” In closing, and in deference to Julia’s mad fear of sharing personal information online, I’d just like to say CONGRATULATIONS Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and I can’t believe you went to Jamaica without me.

The only thing more boring than no post

2006-08-04T14:32:00.000-07:00

Okay you people keep harassing me about posting, so this is what you get:

I've been pretty busy and a bit stressed lately which is not a big deal at all because it is all good stuff, just requires a lot of brainpower. So when I'm asleep my mind is obviously making up for lost wandering time. I've had several bizarre dreams and I'm sure you're just dying to hear about them.

Last night I dreamt Tim and I were having a party at our apartment, which was actually my old apartment in Walnut Creek, but it was located down the street from my parent's house in El Sobrante, in this little corner market. Things were going pretty well except I was really worried about the number of people there. I kept saying "I had 25 people over for the Passion Party and that was too many!"

Luckily, the whole thing started falling apart so people began to leave. Jamie's boyfriend lost a key of some sort (for some reason I think it was a mail box key) so that led to some confusion as we all looked for it, but the bigger problem arose when we realized that one of the guests was missing as well. The missing person was an older Asian gentleman (from an episode of This Old House I watched before bed), and I was quite sure he was dead in a ditch, so when Shelley showed up unexpectedly from PA, I was regrettably too busy worrying about him to chat with her. Thanks for stopping by though Shel.

To make matters worse all of these other people who I did not know started showing up, but they said they knew a girl named Beverly Aikens who went to the same pre-school as my sister so they seemed to feel entitled to drink my booze. And they certainly couldn't be bothered to help us look for the poor old Asian dude. Of course what could I expect, Tim wasn't even helping me out. He was too busy rough housing with his brother, and taking out his earrings, two things which, when combined, apparently led to bloodshed. I was fairly upset, as you can imagine.

And then I woke up.

Better than nothing

2006-07-20T12:37:00.000-07:00

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Open usually, so there's nothing impeding me in my mad rush to get ready in the morning.

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
No, most of those cheap bastards are doing combined shampoo/conditioner now and I ain't having that.

3. Have you ever 'done it' in a hotel room?
Isn't that what hotel rooms are for?

4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
I have street signs that were given to me, I am sure the giver procured them legally.

5. Do you like to use post-it notes?
Boy do I!

6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
I'm too lazy to even cut them out, I just pile up the ads from the paper and eventually recycle them without using the coupons.

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
Have you heard of bees? Well a herd of them is chasing me! (I will buy dinner for anyone who can ID where that comes from)

8. WHAT HAPPENED TO ..8?
It was attacked by a big bear

9. Do you always smile for pictures?
If I'm happy to be in them, yes.

10. What is your biggest pet peeve?
People who do not put their kids in goddamned car seats.

11. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
They start out tucked in.

12. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
Yeah, and I always do the 8-count even though I'm not a dancer or musician.

13. Have you ever peed in the woods?
The woods, the hills, the city streets. And a car wash once.

14. Do you ever dance even if there's no music ?
I make my own music!

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
Yes, I wish they were grape flavored.

16. How many people have you slept with this week?
Just the one, and I'm sure he appreciates that.

17. Do you like popcorn from those big tins?
HELL YEAH! Who doesn't love a carefully aged buttered/cheese/caramel combo?

18. What is your "Song of the week"?
I Hear the Bells by Mike Doughty. Again, dinner if you cal tell me what TV show I picked that out of (honor system, no internet searching).

19. Is it ok for guys to wear pink?
No, the world will obviously stop turning if guys wear pink.

20. Do you still watch cartoons?
Every night when I go to bed--god bless you adult swim!

21. Whats your favorite scary movie?
Nothing beats The Shining

22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
IN the backyard of the mansion I would buy first.

23. What do you drink with dinner?
Cold and refreshing ice water.

24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
A cheeseburger.

25. What is your favorite food/ cuisine?
Any Asian, especially if it is delivered directly to my door.

26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Lord of the Rings and Star Wars. Oh wait, that is someone else in my house, but I still love him anyway.

27. Last person you kissed/kissed you?
Tim of course, but it is only noon...

28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
Briefly, just so I could get into the camp. I got the hell out before they started pushing those cookies.

29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
Sure, if someone wanted to see it (and pay for it of course).

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
Do thank you notes count? If so, then I'll say hopefully soon (I promise the hike thank yous will eventually arrive--maybe in time for Xmas!)

31. Can you change the oil on a car?
Sure, I just go to Jiffy Lube and it happens like magic. I don't even have to get out of the car!

32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
If it is off my DMV record do I still have to admit it?

33. Ran out of gas?
No, but I've had long involved conversations with my car about why it has to go just a few more miles...and it always listens!

34. Favorite kind of sandwich?:
Breakfast

35. Best thing to eat for breakfast?
Sandwich

36. What is your usual bedtime?
10:30, just in time for Futurama

37. Are you lazy?
Never! Especially not when it comes to blogging.

38. When you were a kid what did you dress up as for halloween?
Usually whatever my sister was a few years earlier.

39. WHAT HAPPEND TO ..39?
It was attacked by a swarm of bees.

40. How many languages can you speak?
I can speak a ton, if you count verbalizing a single word.

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
God yes. www.freebizmag.com

42. Which are better legos or lincoln logs?
Lincoln Logs, I'd love to live in a cabin. How many sets do you think I need for 1000+ sq feet of living space?

43. Are you stubborn?
When necessary

44. Who is better...Leno or Letterman?
Letterman

45. Ever watch soap operas?
BBC soaps are the best, I so want to be a Footballer's Wife!

46. Afraid of heights?
Sometimes.

47. Sing in the car?
Better there than in public.

48. Dance in the shower?
Hello safety hazard. But yes.

49. Dance in the car?
Sure, I love seat dancing, even at clubs.

50. Ever used a gun?
I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die. And I've shot assorted other non-living things just for practice.

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
Good lord...my sister's wedding in 1998 maybe? And def in three weeks at Julia's wedding.

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
Yes, and that is why they are fnatastic.

53. Is christmas stressful?
Maybe if you're an elf.

54. Ever eat a pierogie?
Of course, they have them at TRADER JOE'S!

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?
Homemade

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
Ice cream woman, cruise ship captain

57. Do you believe in ghosts?
yes, but I don't believe in most of the "Haunted" TV shows.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
Yep, it's one of my favorite feelings in the world!

59. Take a vitamin daily?
Take it where?

60. Wear slippers?
Bear slippers, when I was like 10.

61. Wear a bath robe?
I wish I could wear one all the time

62. What do you wear to bed?
A smile

63. First concert?
Aerosmith, and it ROCKED

64. Wal-Mart, Target or K-Mart?
Oh please, is there any question?

65. Nike or Adidas?
Puma

66.Cheetos Or Fritos?
Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffles

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
Peanuts in stir fry, sunflower seeds in salads.

68. Ever hear of, "gorp"?
Lunch room staple at Valley View Elementary, and I developed my own recipe for hiking.

69. Ever take dance lessons?
Taken: yes. Been successful with: no.

70.Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
I dream of marrying an SAP analyst.

71. Can you curl your tongue?
No! Those irons burn like crazy!

72. Ever won a spelling bee?
No, but I did attend the Scripps National Spelling Bee (as staged for the movie Bee Season)

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
Yes.

74. Own any record albums?
A coworker gave me Liberace's Greatest Hits. Let me know if you want me to make you a tape on my hi-fi.

75. Own a record player?
Now what would I do with that hunk of junk?

76. Regularly burn incense?
What am I, a fucking hippie?

77.Ever been in love?
Have and am!

78. Who would you like to see in concert?
Shelley

79. What was your last concert you saw?
Dave Matthews Band--what am I, a fucking hippie?

80.Hot tea or cold tea?
Cold and sweet

81.Tea or coffee?
Either one works as a vehicle for cream and sugar.

82.Favorite kind of cookie?
Homemade

83.Can you swim well?
I can avoid drowning for hours on end, but I'm not good with the actual strokes and whatnot.

84.Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose?
Dude, people can't?

85. Are you patient?
And kind, and good to bunnies.

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?
Both?

87.Ever won a contest?
Why yes I have. I was the first grade standing long jump champ at Valley View Elementary. Must have been all the gorp.

88. Ever have plastic surgery?
Haven't but wouldn't rule it out in the case of a disfiguring accident.

89. Which are better black or green olives?
Whichever are not on my plate.

90.Can you knit or crochet?
I don't see what's stopping me.

91. Best room for a fireplace?
One with a chimney.

92. Do you want to get married?
I will if Tim can talk me into it.

93. If married, how long have you been married?
4 years (don't tell Tim).

94. Who was your HS crush?
Good lord, isn't the point of high school to change your crush from week to week? I'd need another 100 lines for that.

95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
No, there are much subtler ways to manipulate people haha.

96. Do you have kids?
4 (don't tell Tim).

97. Do you want kids?
Yep, can't wait, but I'm in no rush.

98. Whats your favorite color?
Breaking news! My favorite color has officially been changed to green! Please update your records to reflect that blue is no longer the correct answer.

99. Do you miss anyone right now?
I miss all of my favorite people whenever we are apart.

100. Who do you wanna see right now?
The parking lot attendant, because that will mean I'm going home!

Genuine, bona fide blog entry!

2006-04-23T07:02:00.000-07:00

In thanks for your immense patience, I am here at 7am on a Sunday morning to make sure that you have a brand new blog entry to start your week with! The fact that I m up at this ridiculous hour should tell you a little bit about how far off track my life has gotten.

Let's start with the big project: the hike. It is actually going remarkably well, but I still hate it with every fiber of my being. Well, maybe that is an exaggeration...it is mostly just the leg and lung fibers that hate it. Mentally I really do enjoy it, except for those few hours on Friday nights where I am filled with dread for the next morning. I am still one of the slowest people in the group so I don't make it as far as others (we focus on time, not distance, so you hike for 2.5 hrs and then stop and head back from wherever you are), but most of these hikes are tough from the start so I'm busting my ass right along with everyone else. I'm always amazed when I get to the top of a hill and look down to see just how fucking far I've come. It really isn't something I ever thought I would do. This weekend we went to Las Trampas park in San Ramon and it brought back a particularly illustrative memory: a few years ago, back in the heyday of the East Bay group, we went to the same park for a hike and about 15 minutes into it Andrew Polay and I decided to cut out and go buy beer. I was TOTALLY fine with that. Hiking is WORK man, and what business do I have working on the weekends? Damn how times have changed. But it is all completely worth it and I can't even tell you how thrilled I'll be three weeks from now when I am on my flight home from the Grand Canyon, hike behind me, mission accomplished.

In other news of pains in my ass: moving. Again, the end result is gonna be awesome but dude, ARE WE THERE YET? And the answer is, nope. Tim and I actually just got started yesterday, because there is nothing like a little procrastination to spice up your relationship. But we accomplished Phase 1 (securing storage unit) and I'm really looking forward to Phase 3 (profit!). Tim did get his computer moved over yesterday so it's official, he lives here. So we just have to deal with minor things like clothes and furniture, but actually that is going to be pretty easy so I think we're well on the way to successful cohabitation. Now get on those dishes babycakes.

And really, that's about it. I can't freaking believe that so much time has passed and I have so little to say, but there ya go. I am dead tired pretty much all the time (because I've also lost the ability to sleep in--hi 6:30am!), but it's that great "I know I'm accomplishing something" kind of tired, and it is especially exciting since it's all stuff I really want to make happen. And dear god, the end is so close I can taste it...mmmm, like chicken.

Slutty nuns are hilarious!

2006-04-06T09:17:00.000-07:00

A bus carrying a group of nuns crashed, killing
all on board. At the pearly gates St Peter asks
"Before you are let through, have you ever
touched a mans genitals?"

The first nun said "I once put my finger on some."
"Wash that finger in the bowl of holy water,
and you can pass" said St Peter.

The second nun said "I once touched some genitals
with my hand."
"Wash your hand in the holy water and you can pass."

Suddenly there is a pushing and shoving from the
back of the queue, and Sister Marie barged to
the front. "Well", she explained to St Peter, "I
want to wash my mouth out before Sister
Bernadette washes her arse."

I got yer update right here!

2006-04-03T13:51:00.000-07:00

I haven't been updating much because the hike is currently my number one project and I really only have so much to say about that...but now I actually have some breaking news for you all: I'm getting a roommate! His name is Tim and he's great, plus he's hot, we all know that's an important deciding factor. Hopefully he'll do his damn dishes and put out once in a while.

The time has come, my little friends...

2006-03-21T12:39:00.000-08:00

You asked, I answer. Walt, you may want to skip over these first few questions...

1) When was the last time you had sex, and did you have an orgasm?

Just for you "buttersnatch," last night, heh. I'm always looking for an excuse to make Tim put out! As for the second part of the question, nope. I think that highlights a fundamental difference between guys and girls: for us it isn't always about the orgasm, because you can get that warm, fuzzy, totally satisfied feeling (both physical and emotional) without a climax. Don't get me wrong though, orgasms are fucking fantastic (punny!) and I am very happy to say that Tim has mad skillz in that area.

2) Comment deleted

3) Pads or tampons?

Hi, it's 2006, tampons. I can't believe they even still make pads. All you need is one major accident (purple shorts, seventh grade, I'm still traumatized because I had to call my goddamned DAD to get permission to go home and change) and you will never again make that mistake. I don't wear anything at night (except granny panties) because I feel gravity is in my favor there. Except when I want some action, then I highly recommend these.

4) Can I ask why was the comment [question #2] deleted?

You'd have to ask the author, I never saw it.

5) I want to know how to debone a fish or roast a chicken.

One word: Martha. But I'll say it twice so I can give you two links: Martha, again.

6) What is the remedy for apathy at work?

Well first you have to decide what the problem is, you or the workplace. If it's the particular workplace rather than your profession in general you can ask your boss ask for some more challenging projects, or volunteer to take on additional responsibilities that are outside of your job and could give you a breather from the same old grind. But we all know that's probably not going to help. So start looking for a new job.

If it's more of a personal problem than a situational issue, you're just going to have to determine what motivates you. For most of us the desire to avoid getting fired is just about enough. Set your own goals and have rewards and consequences (chicken tikka masala on Friday if you're all caught up on paperwork, overtime if not even if that cuts into your weekend plans) that you actually stick to.

Relatively few people like to work, especially on stupid bureaucratic crap but we've all got to do it. Try to think about why you got into your industry in the first place, and if the opportunity to save lost puppies or whatever isn't doing it for you anymore maybe you need a change.

7) I actually want to know what the heck is an RSS feed and how does it work?

RSS stands for Real Simple Syndication and it is essentially a broadcast from a website that lets you know that content has been updated. You set up a website or other collection mechanism (I think you can use Blackberries and stuff) and they monitor the incoming info and hang on to it for you. It is almost sort of like Tivo for the internet, but obviously nowhere near as cool. I think it started out more as a tool for keeping up on the news, but now it's all over the place, including on blogs such as this one.

8) What would you do if chicken tikka masala ceased to exist?

Actually, and it surprised me as much as it will you, but I wouldn't really care. I'm more of a paneer tikka masala girl these days.

9) When are you going to cook one of your yummy cheesy tasty dishes?

As soon as somone invites me to a potluck (with more than 24 hrs notice).

10) If you had to wear a toga to work, would you wear it proudly?

Hells yes! That shit would be so comfortable. My only concern would be wearing white all the time, so hopefully my workplace would support the modern toga, in a variety of lovely patterns and fabrics.

11) How about this for a headline? Beverlicious: Sweet and Saucy

Well done on noticing my secret contest! Unfortunately I think that headline is one of those things that someone else can say about you, but if you say it about yourself you look like an idiot. Wouldn't you want to smack someone who described herself as "saucy"?

12) With the newest evidence found by scientists supporting the big bang theory, what effect do you think it will have on creationist theory and religion in general?

Absolutely none whatsoever. The various churches of the world will continue to blatantly ignore science unless it supports their crazy bullshit. And on that topic, how can a "religion" that thinks we're all aliens call itself Scientology?

13) Walt, is that a rhetorical question?

No. And don't call me Walt.

Keep 'em coming!

2006-03-17T10:22:00.000-08:00

I will answer every single question you guys have come up with but I want to make sure all of my regular readers (seven and counting!) have a chance to get their most pressing queries in so I'll put off my responses for a few more days. Here's a nice St. Patty's Day joke to entertain you in the meantime:

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

FINE

2006-03-15T14:37:00.000-08:00

You people are always hassling me about updating, so I figure it must be because there are things you're just DYING to know...so lay 'em on me, no question will be ignored and honesty is always our policy. Personal philosophies, interpersonal relationships, shopping tips, favorite recipes, and menstrual cycles--no topic is off limits. Take advantage of your tax dollars at work and let me Google anything you need! Come on people, if you really care about the state of this blog it's time to take action!

All questions will be answered in a post later this week...even those posed by nosy strangers who somehow found this entry one damn minute after it was posted.

65,536

2006-02-27T14:02:00.000-08:00

Seems to be the maximum number of lines allowed in an Excel spreadsheet. I thought that was an interesting fact on its own, but since Julienne requested a real post I need to tell you that I personally feel dismayed that there is a limit to Excel. I thought the lines would continue to appear as I needed them, never asking for more than a few data points, never failing me in their rectangularity. But the day has come, we have reached the end of our journey together. I need to know that my database is there for me at 66, 67, even 90,000 lines, and it breaks my heart to admit that I am going to have to go somewhere else to find that*. But there was so much beauty in our time together, and I will always have the graphs to remind me of that. I guess this is just yet another opportunity to look beyond the comfort of the familiar and try something new, be it Access, SQL, or some yet to be defined custom platform. It's a scary time and I honestly don't know what's around the corner, but I hope my experience can stand as an inspiration to you all. Go out there and take risks if you have to, I promise that there is a system out there that will support most every need you have, and you deserve to find it!

*For you computer geeks: This is just a joke, please don't try to recommend a new database for me. I hate data.

Probably Worthless

2006-02-25T21:02:00.000-08:00

I haven't had time to compare these to the "Sayings from 1500" email that was totally debunked on Snopes.com so they may all be total crap, but some are new and entertaining nonetheless.

In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence! we have "the rule of thumb".
Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades-King David Hearts-Charlemagne Clubs-Alexander the Great Diamonds-Julius Caesar
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"? A. One thousand
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? A. All invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A. Honey
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase: "Goodnight, sleep tight."
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
In English pubs, ale was traditionally ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbows.

And the winner is!

2006-02-21T10:27:00.000-08:00

Julia! For not only coming up with the best lame joke, but also for seeing that last entry for exactly what it was...me being a big old baby. I really don't care at all about what the signs say about Tim and I (because from where I'm standing they're all pointing to "yes" ;-), but for some reason I seemed to care what other people were saying and that was just lame. Or maybe I just had PMS. It's always great to have that to fall back on!

So Julia, not only do you have the pleasure of having me for a best friend and a maid of honor, you will be receiving a fabulous prize sometime soon! But honestly, the pleasure is mine, because having a friend who can tell you to stop being a brat (without pissing you off) is something every girl needs. Along with a Tiffany necklace.

Lesson learned

2006-02-17T12:29:00.000-08:00

Or, How I almost ruined Valentine’s Day…

The conversation over IM went like this:

Tim: hey babe, people are asking over here and I’m not sure about this stuff...what is your sign, virgo?
Me: huh? ppl at work are asking you what my sign is?
Tim: we were all talking about signs and they asked me what yours was
Me: yes virgo, and yes I know that we are supposedly not a good match
Me: why are your work ppl asking about my sign? that is weird
Me: tell them to mind their own business
Me: what was their verdict?
Tim: are you upset?
Me: sorry we just got back online
Me: so yes, I was upset earlier but oh well, not a big deal
Me: so what was the verdict on our signs?
Tim: they kinda said the same thing, that we don't match up or whatever but I didn’t pay too much attention...I just couldn’t remember for sure what you were
Me: well I do think it is weird and I want to know why your coworkers are all up in my business
Tim: no they weren’t, I got pulled into the conversation, they were discussing each other's signs and were curious
Tim: and I don’t know shit about signs so I didn’t have much to say
Me: well I just think they are weird and should get the fuck back to work
Tim: I agree
Me: and I think it is rude of them if they said we don't match, what the fuck do they know?
Tim: nothing apparently
Me: fine then
Me: who was discussing it?
Tim: everyone, it wasn’t mean spirited or anything it was all in fun I suppose
Me: well what do you think?
Me: do you think it is necessary for people who I have never met to be discussing our relationship?
Tim: probably not
Me: okay maybe I am overreacting a little
Me: but it isn't like you were asking them
Tim: yeah it was really nothing baby, honestly. and yeah it’s none of their business, but I wasn’t offended by it. they didn’t say anything mean or anything, just joking around
Me: well obviously I am offended by it
Tim: I'm sorry
Me: well there ya go

And later that night at home:

Tim: Baby, were you really upset about that sign thing?
Me: Yes! I just think it is none of their business! Don’t they have anything better to do?
Tim: Just sit down, I’ll show you what it was all about.
Me: Don’t you think it’s weird?! I just don’t see why they have to…
Tim: Just relax!
Tim: Now come look at this.

At least I'm updating a lot

2006-02-15T08:42:00.000-08:00

Even if it is only with crap people forward to me...

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and He could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."

Words of love...

2006-02-14T10:17:00.000-08:00

As you've seen lately, I have no time for words of my own so here are some other people's (from Leah Garchik's column on SFGate.com):

"What I need is a man who will let me henpeck him.'' (Woman overheard on Martin Luther King Boulevard in Berkeley by Ann Erickson.)

"Remember, girls love eye patches and scars.'' (High school freshman boy giving advice to 11-year-old, overhead on the 38L Geary by Marcus Loy.)

"If I was a dude, I'd date me.'' (Young woman to man, overheard on ski lift at Heavenly Valley by Rachel Tiley.)

"The only time I really miss having a man in my life is garbage night.'' (Overheard at the Civic Center courthouse last Valentine's day by Lewis Gillian.)

"He does know you're a lesbian, right?'' (Woman to woman, overheard in front of Macy's in San Francisco by Diane Brauch.)

"I was looking for someone for just a really good time, but then I peeked at his iTunes playlist. He'd be serious baggage.'' (One woman to another overheard in Marin County by Capt. Steve Stevens.)

"I think you're very pretty and we could have beautiful children. And I won't stalk you when you break up with me.'' (Young man to young woman, overheard in the Financial District by The Chronicle's Pat Yollin.)

"He asked if I wanted to go back to his place. That's the same as the old-fashioned 'do you want to go for a cup of coffee?' '' (One young woman to another, overheard on the N Judah by The Chronicle's Heather Maddan.)

"So we went back to my place. Guess who passed out again? Yep, me.'' (Young woman on cell phone in Palo Alto, overheard by Craig Stark.)

"Does he have a pumice?'' (Woman to woman, overheard at the Gardener in Berkeley by Marshal Brewster.)

"The only thing is, his hair is kind of weird.'' (Woman to companion, overheard at the corner of Sutter and Stockton by Michael Mahoney.)

"There won't be a second date. That girl ate way too may noodles.'' (Man to man outside Union Bank on California, overheard by Catherine Luciano.)

"Well, he doesn't usually take off his boxers, so it probably wasn't him.'' (Woman in a San Francisco stationery store, overheard by Danielle Simpson.)

"When I'm in love I gain weight, like 3 or 4 pounds. So we have to be careful.'' (Woman to man with whom she is apparently contemplating a relationship, overheard at a Union Street restaurant by Nancy Hickman.)

"She's gross. He's gross. They're both gross. It's a good couple.'' (Young woman to a young woman friend, overheard at lunch at the Blue Plate restaurant in Reno by Anne Williams.)

"There was the standard drinking and flirting and ... a week or so later I was taking antibiotics.'' (One man to another, overheard on Post Street by Michael Smith.)

"Yes, I watch hardcore porn. Is that a problem?'' (Young woman on cell phone, overheard at the Gardener by Eryn Alana Leavens.)

"The date wasn't going well anyway. Then I look down and see she's wearing a (darned) toe ring.'' (One suited-and-tied man to another, overheard on Clay Street by Catherine Luciano.)

"I didn't realize you only liked me when you're drunk.'' (Man on cell phone at Van Ness and McAllister, overheard by Roy Francies.)

"She loves having sex in the morning, but she doesn't have a brain in her head.'' (Gentleman on the Larkspur ferry, overheard by Bob Ivory.)

"I love you, but your credit's not that good.'' (Man on cell phone, overheard at the Sausalito Art Fair.)

"I don't understand how the bastard could marry outside of (his) political persuasion.'' (Woman to male companion, overheard at Fourth and King by The Chronicle's Terry Robertson.)

"I said I love you and think I want to spend my life with you, but right now I'm in Safeway and I can't find anything, so I'll call you later.'' (Older man on cell phone, overheard at Safeway at Jackson and Davis by Luciano.)

"I think he married the first nonhooker he met.'' (Man on cell phone, overheard on BART by Alex Marmur.)

"This is the perfect wedding ring. It fits just great under my cycling gloves.'' (Newlywed Sophika Kostyniuk at Gulf of the Farallones National Marine Sanctuary offices, overheard by Mary Jane Schramm.)

"She always marries the wrong man, but she does divorce so well.'' (Man to woman over dinner at Insalata's in San Anselmo, overheard by Sally Shepard.)

"It didn't work out because a) he's 39 years old, b) it was Friday night, c) his mom was with him.'' (Woman to co-workers, overheard at Togo's in Emeryville by Dana Fong.)

"As soon as she gets out of bed to go to the bathroom, I'm out of there. I don't want to get stabbed by some guy with a knife.'' (Gentleman -- well, maybe not -- at Chili's in Terra Linda, overheard by Laura Bradley and her family.)

"If you think you've got to call the cops when you're going to break up with her, I'd say it's time to take a look at your relationship.'' (Young man to another, overheard in the elevator of a North Bay hospital by Barbara Jonas.)

"First wives are difficult.'' (Overheard at breakfast at the Video Cafe on Geary by Mac McGinnes.)

"She is my second wife. I'm actually much closer to my first wife, though. We've exchanged gunfire.'' (Man at Mel's in downtown Berkeley, overheard by Wes Haley.)

"Maybe my second wife wasn't so bad after all.'' (Nostalgia for the good old days, overheard at United Market in San Rafael by Stuart H. Brown.)

"She left me. Now I'm dating our goldfish.'' (Man to pal, overheard at the Tuesday Farmers' Market in Berkeley by Nancy Pietrafesa.)

"I picked up a bottle of wine and got home about five minutes after her. But she was totally surprised, so that was good.'' (Man on cell phone, along the Ohlone Greenway in Berkeley, overheard the day after Valentine's Day last year by Robert Menzimer.)

"I need two exactly the same, so that when I talk to each of them, I'll be able to keep it straight.'' (Man purchasing Valentines in Kard Zone in the Castro, overheard by Jeff Stryker.)

"He can't be that gay, he got me pregnant.'' (Woman to woman, overheard at UC Berkeley by Karl Leonard.)

"What do you mean ‘find one’? You are my sugar daddy.’’ Overheard in front of Chanel at the Bellagio Hotel in Las Vegas by Ted Wuerthner.

Funny for Friday

2006-02-10T10:48:00.000-08:00

Two snowmen were standing in a field. One turns to the other and says, "Do you smell carrots?"

Q: What is green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree onto your head, you would die?
A: A pool table.

Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick!

Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot!

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
A: "Where's my tractor?"

Q: Why did the mushroom get invited to the party?
A: Because he was a fun-gi!

Q: What did the guy with 2 left feet buy?
A: Flip-flips.

Q: Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
A: Fo Drizzle.

What are your favorite lame jokes? A fabulous prize for the best one! Which will be determined very scientifically, by me.

Yes, this is funny.

2006-02-09T08:52:00.000-08:00

Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
A: He sold his soul to Santa.

I'm siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick

2006-02-07T14:48:00.000-08:00

How many of you did I take down with me over the weekend, before I realized I was a festering pool of germs?

Is this funny?

2006-02-02T09:08:00.000-08:00

Q: Did you hear about the Dyslexic pimp?
A: He bought a warehouse.

Heavy on the spectacular, light on the frankfurters

2006-01-30T10:31:00.000-08:00

Okay I PROMISED Julienne I would post over the weekend and I didn't, I am a terrible person. But what, you actually expect me to sit at home blogging when there is porn to be viewed on the internets!?? Yes, that is actually one of the first things I did on my new computer, just because I could. And let me tell you, midget porn is just WRONG.

But let me tell you about my journey to the world wide web of sick motherfuckers...it took not one, not two, but THREE visits from my friendly Alameda Power and Telecom installer to finally get online, not to mention a quick switch in cable companies and the purchase of a modem that I may or may not actually need. You all know how excited I was to get my new computer rolling and so I was waiting bright and early last Saturday morning for the guy to show up. When he finally arrived at 11:30 (for my 8am-12pm service window) he told me I couldn't have Comcast cable and AP&T cable internet, so I was pretty much ready to give up and go live in a cave. But luckily Tim was there to talk me down and after several calls to both companies I ended up with AP&T internet, cable, DVR, and they even threw in HBO for a ridiculously good price. And they were able to send the guy back out the same day to go ahead with the installation! I've always said that living in Alameda is like stepping back into the 1950s and so I'm glad that at least some of the costs and services are reflective of that. Now if only they showed movies for a nickel...

So anyway, that was the excitment from two weekends ago (oh and there were many dildos on Sunday but that's old news by now), even though I really don't consider it that exciting anymore. Things are starting to get busy, and I'm very excited that Nazli and I will be participating in the Hike for Discovery, so keep your eyes on this space for lots of updates on things you may or may not give a crap about!

You will totally forgive me for my lack of posting...

2006-01-27T16:00:00.000-08:00

When you spend hours and days cracking up over these. Be sure to look at the page headers, the titles are hilarious...

And to keep you busy in the meantime...

2006-01-19T12:46:00.000-08:00

If you had a band it would be called:

Blah blah blah

2006-01-19T12:33:00.000-08:00

Okay, Julienne reminded me that I hadn't updated my blog in "4-eva" so I thought I'd post something just to shut her up...I have lots to say about my disasterous bagel breakfast on Tuesday, my questionable new office location, and my super fantastic new home coputer (which I have named "Fluffy") but all of that will have to wait until next week when I will have the internet up and running at home, as my boss could come looking over my shoulder at any moment from her convenient new location directly across from my cube. So sit tight, and call me if there is any major breaking celeb gossip since I have actually been working rather than reading Hollywood blogs all week.

What my apartment would look like if I lived in a studio:

2006-01-10T10:21:00.000-08:00

But thankfully, this giant pile of crap is almost entirely gone, and is soon to be replaced by my new desk and COMPUTER (if it ever arrives--I paid $89 for S&H and it is still going to be like two weeks, argh)!

That's right, I'm racing into the 21st century, and will soon have the internets in my very own living room. It's like magic!

I also researched internet phone options and it looks like Net Zero Voice will be perfect. I can get a 510 number to use for the intercom and have it forwarded for free to my cell phone, all for the bargain price of $4/month. So now you people can email/call/drop by any time! Not that I'm going to respond/answer/buzz you in, but I could if I wanted to!

When all else fails, copy your friends

2006-01-05T09:42:00.000-08:00

Okay, I am too lazy to think up my own topic (and let's face it, Christmas and moving are so 2005), so I am copying Julienne. This is what kept me up last night:

Around 4am I woke up with a pain in the lower right side of my belly. Obviously I caught Shelley's appendicitis. But at that hour of the morning I really didn't care about my impending surgery, my mind immediately jumped to all of the wonderful visitors I would have when I returned home from the hospital. And I was very worried about how you all would get in to deliver my flowers since I don't have the door buzzer hooked up yet, and I will be too infirm to traipse out and let you in. That settles it; I'm getting a home phone. Actually, does anyone know about internet phone options? Specifically something hella cheap? I don't need to make any calls, just have a 510 # to hook up to the intercom.

Also, sometime earlier in the night I got up to use the bathroom and almost tripped over the cable Tim ran from the living room to the bedroom last night (but we didn't have those handy clippy things to tidy it up). And so, being the exceptionally thoughtful person that I am, I decided to open the mirrored closet door that is directly across from my bedroom door so that if either of us did get tangled up in the cable, at least we wouldn't shatter the mirror with our faces. Safety first!

Eventually I got to sleep and had some crazy dream about fighting with Tim because he wouldn't divorce his wife, which made me late for a movie, which turned out to be a play (at the mall of course), which was a combination of the fabulous film Center Stage and the musical (that I have never seen) Sweeney Todd. The end.

Damn, I was busy last night; no wonder I'm so tired!

All this time and I still don't have anything to say

2006-01-03T10:46:00.000-08:00

Well I made it to 2006, and to be honest with you there were some times I didn't think I would! But now that the holidays and moving are behind me I'm working hard to get my head screwed back on and I will resume posting when my thoughts consist of something more than "Boxes, whaaaaa!!!"

LOVE YOU ALL and wish you the very, very best for the coming year!

One more reason to screw around.

2005-12-20T13:25:00.000-08:00

What were they thinking giving me Yahoo chat at work?? Like I'm gonna get anything done now...actually we got new computers so I'm probably going to spend the rest of 2005 (by which I mean this afternoon and tomorrow) resetting all of my important (celeb gossip) stuff. And I got Mozilla, so now I can go back and look at whatever you all were telling me to look at with Firefox! So anyway, feel free to friend me or whatever you do on IM. Holla!

Yoink!

2005-12-14T15:43:00.000-08:00

I had to steal this completely hilarious idea from Julienne and Krissy.

Google image search for Bev & Tim:

Here we are as kids, can you believe we're still together 25 years later?!

This was at Tim's retirement dinner. I was so proud of him!

We had some WILD times in the summer of '82!

These are our Christmas pictures, what do you think?

We loved our trip the Netherlands, but it was freezing!

And just to avoid confusion, here is the real thing:

It IS Comcastic!

2005-12-14T12:03:00.000-08:00

Woo hoo, I am about to be the proud owner of my very own DVR! No more begging my mom and Tim to record things for me, no more trying to watch my shows around the insanity of my parents' house, no more missing out on the dirty shows because I can't record them myself...ah this is almost the life! I am already making my list and checking it twice, so far I've got:

Veronica Mars
Gilmore Girls
Lost
Alias
Martha Stewart's new talk show
Talk Sex with Sue
Antiques Roadshow
History Detectives

Any suggestions from the peanut gallery?

Not to mention all of the great stuff on Comcast on Demand, there are some really good free movies, karaoke, and porn, available day or night with just the click of your clicker! And hey, a tip from me to you: Comcast has special deals that they can give you if you mention a cable alternative (we have our own company in A-town, but I bet you could use the Dish, etc for leverage). I had to ask the customer service lady about three times before I got her to admit that they had a special package (luckily Tim got it recently so I knew it was available), and it is a great deal (150+ digital channels and DVR for about $40), so it pays to be persistent!

And I wanted to say I'm really sorry if it sounds like I am bragging, I am just going through a particularly lucky phase, WOO HOO! Don't worry, I'm sure you'll see plenty of complaining and angst in this space in the future, ha ha.

Merry Christmas to ME!!!!!!!!!

2005-12-12T13:13:00.000-08:00

Holy crap you guys, I just got an almost 10% raise!

Apparently, the UC system conducted a salary review and found that there were some major discrepancies among classifications, and also in comparison to the open market, SHOCKING, I know. They had some money left over from what Arnie allocated in the state budget, and so about 700 people on campus got surprise raises. This is amazing, and just what I need for the holidays and my move. I feel great about it, even though it really has nothing to do with me personally being recognized, and it came from the head office so it isn't even like my department did anything for me. But now at least my salary is no longer embarrassing for a 27 year old. Of course that doesn't take into account my shiny new Masters degree, but we'll take care of that when I get a new job. Which I am TOTALLY gonna start looking for in January!

I know it is kind of tacky to talk money with friends, but I am just totally stunned and had to tell someone! I won't see anything until my January paycheck, so drinks are on me in 2006!

Drink offer is limited to one (1) drink per person. Expires March 30, 2006. Cannot be combined with other offers. Void where prohibited.

Like my friend Ice Cube always says...

2005-12-09T14:29:00.000-08:00

Today was a good day. Well yesterday was actually but we are going to pretend that that is when I was writing this entry...

After six meetings about BAGELS** I decided I really needed a mental health day or I was going to start screaming in the hallway and probably wouldn't be able to stop until someone shoved one of said bagels into my mouth (after completing the requisition forms in triplicate of course). So I called in with only a slightly fictional migraine and had Thursday all to myself, yay! I celebrated by spending hundreds of dollars on new tires and then went on to spend another big chunk at Target, almost all of which was for other people. Then I wanted some presents for myself so I went to the library (I was out in Walnut Creek) and loaded up on their 50 cent paperbacks. Let me clarify, those are books that cost 50 cents, not books by 50 Cent--which are apparently coming soon to a bookstore near you. So for $12 I got enough reading material to last me probably two years since I don't seem to have time to read anymore anyway. But when the time does come, oh will I have books!

The best part of the day was going back to my favorite hairstylist, Azar at Grateful Head in WC. I had been lazy for the past several months and was just going to a place downstairs from work for cuts, but the lady really got off track last time and I was pretty unhappy. But I knew Azar would be able to fix it, and fix it she did! And I got bangs to boot! So it was an exciting hair day...generally I'm pretty much just coexisting with my hair, so it was nice to have something fun and new. BANGS people! Times they are a-changin'!

I finished up my Walnut Creek day with dinner at Pyramid with Shel, which was super as always; we always have such good talks. Then wrapped up the night with a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks and some quality time on the couch with Tim. That man has me watching ridiculous reality TV and enjoying it, it must be love, ha ha.

So that's what I've got. It is always so nice to have a break during the week when it feels that much more restful because you know all the suckers are stuck at work. I really hope that Lotto jackpot comes in soon so I can realize my career goal of being a lady who lunches...

**I am planning the Welcome Breakfast for when my office moves to downtown Berkeley next month and like everything else here, they manage to take the smallest detail and turn it into a nightmare of meetings, approval chains five people long, incomprehensible forms, and last minute changes that require us to start the cycle over ad naseum...

Apartment--check PLUS!

2005-12-06T11:52:00.000-08:00

YAY! I officially have a new apartment. I got to choose between three units last night (and that was just on the first floor, I didn't even ask what was available upstairs) and it was HARD! But after looking at each apartment multiple times, and thoroughly amusing the apartment lady and Tim by being such a geek, I finally went with the apartment that has a slightly smaller living room and bedroom (due to a random hallway), but a bonus closet and a nice view of the pool area. I can't wait to pick up my keys when I sign the lease. I can't move anything in until the 20th but the manager said I can come hang out, measure, commune with my space (no joke, she said that) anytime. Does anyone know about that blessing your new space crap? Is it crap? Well I feel pretty blessed already (but not by the lord or anything), WOO HOOOOOO!

For those of you keeping score at home, my new address is:

Phone will stay the same, and keep that number handy because you will need to call me to get let into the new place. They can't hook my cell phone up to the call box because it is not a local number. Don't they know that area codes are irrelevant!??

Seriously?

2005-12-02T09:28:00.000-08:00

Could someone do some research on these and get back to me?

The Stella Awards are named after 81-year old Stella Liebeck, who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's for millions. This years runners up are:

Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas won $14,500 after being bitten on the arse by his neighbour's beagle.
Mr Williams was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun at the time.

Amber Carson was paid $113,500 by a Philadelphia restaurant after she broke her back from slipping on a soft drink...which she had just thrown at her boyfriend.

Kara Walton of Delaware sued a nightclub and won $12,000 after falling from a bathroom window and knocking out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge.

But the winner is: Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma who purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago. On her first trip, she drove on the freeway, set the cruise control at 70 mph and went out back to make a sandwich. She crashed. Then sued for the manual not advising her not to do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company then changed their manuals on the basis of this suit.

Thanks!

Where did I find such natural beauty?

2005-11-30T14:59:00.000-08:00

At a rest stop. Can't you just smell the pine scented cleanser?

Trader Joe, how do I love thee?

2005-11-28T10:47:00.000-08:00

Okay, most of you know that I am certifiably obsessed with TJ's. I wander the aisles like a kid in a toy store, loading up my basket with things I probably don't need but HAVE TO HAVE and I read and re-read the Fearless Flyer like an inmate with only one porn mag. Some things are so good they make me want to cry (bruschetta topping in the fresh veggie section, I'm looking at you!), and even when something is a disappointment (blue cheese stuffed skirt steak, where did we go wrong?) I can easily get a refund that makes it almost all better. So from time to time I'm going to bring you updates on my best new finds, such as:

Strawberries & Creme: Completely un-fucking-believable people. Frozen cream-filled, white chocolate dipped strawberries from heaven. The description sounded amazing but for some reason they sat in my freezer for a couple weeks before I finally broke into them. I don't know what in the hell I was waiting for, but I'm glad it arrived last night and opened me up to a whole new world of fruity delight.

They come 16 to a box and I believe the box was reasonably priced at less than $5, so two boxes would be a cheap but lovely addition to any party (such as Shelley's this weekend, to which I will certainly be bringing them). Each is individually wrapped in a sweet little white and green envelope, just right for a quick treat to reward yourself for doing the dishes, finishing a project, or whatever other excuse you can come up with. And at only 90 calories each (35% fat) they are practically low fat and guilt free!

You need to let the strawberries thaw on the counter for about 10 mins according to the package instructions, but let me tell you that is a damn long time to wait. Still, it is advisable unless you have teeth of steel or stone or some material that doesn't conduct cold very well or your dental pain will overshadow your enjoyment. The strawberries themselves are good, more like a fruit ice than fresh fruit but still yummy, but we all know it is really about the cream right? And you will not be disappointed my friends, it is luscious, there is really no other way to describe it. Tastes like sweetened condensed milk mixed with happy clouds. I want to buy 100 boxes of the strawberries, scoop out all of the cream filling, and take a bath in it. Trader Joe, will you marry me? You had me at the cream filled center, but then you had to go and totally knock me out with the white chocolate cap you use to keep the filling in place. I know there is much debate among chocolate purists, but I think that white chocolate is a delicious and valid member of the chocolate family, even if there is no actual cocoa relation. And besides, I enjoy that slightly waxy texture. But if you are completely insane and really can't accept the white chocolate I would recommend a hot fudge dipping sauce to cover the taste.

So in summary, Strawberries & Creme get a resounding approval. I would say they are probably in my Top 5 TJs purchases, but that would mean I would have to pick four other favorites and then any product that didn't make it would be jealous and it would be a mess. Try them soon people, you will thank me.

Mmmm, I can't believe I am stuck at work for another 5.5 hours before I get to go home and have another one. Or four.

Apartment--check!! Sorta

2005-11-23T11:12:00.000-08:00

Okay well I'm all approved to move into the Franciscan Apartments, which are actually three blocks closer to Trader Joe's than my current place, yay! BUT!

Because they can only hold a unit for two weeks blah blah blah and I want the place on December 20th, I really can't pick my specific apartment yet unless I want to start paying in early December. Which I don't. So now I just have to sit tight for a couple weeks and then go see what they have available at that time. That will hopefully be just the sunny first floor unit I want, but to get absolutely technical it could be nothing at all. Did you know you can give your 30 days notice and then totally take it back any time you want??!

I'm not terribly worried about them having nothing, and I'm sure this two weeks bullshit is just designed to pressure suckers like me into getting nervous and taking a place earlier than they had planned. I just really wanted to have my full address sooner rather than later so that I can get on with the important business of moving: cable (with DVR, woo hoo!), the evite for all of your wonderful help, the free magazine subscriptions, etc. Oh well, I guess that I will just have to wait.

THANK GOODNESS I'M SUCH A PATIENT PERSON!!

My heart, she is breaking...

2005-11-22T15:03:00.000-08:00

Which Sublime song are you?

My results: None-you're not cool enough to listen to Sublime anyway.

Considering I had the 40 oz to Freedom album on continuous play for pretty much all of 1997, I would like to disagree, but who can argue with an online quiz?

Firefox--I wish!

2005-11-18T14:16:00.000-08:00

To those of you who have suggested a different browser, thanks but I'm stuck with what I've got since I'm only online at work. We can't download anything ourselves and our IT group is too busy trying to keep Windows 97 running to actually consider anything created in this century...

Unhappy Friday

2005-11-18T14:01:00.000-08:00

I just called the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer peeps to make sure they got my resume and the lady said "Oops! I didn't know that job opening was still on the website, the position has been filled!" Argh. So I guess my dreams of getting the first job I applied for may have been a little unrealistic :-( Back to the drawing board, but at least this time it is with a semi-updated resume...oh and Julienne and Ann, I fully intend to take advantage of your resume reviewing skills at some point in the near future...

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

2005-11-18T09:17:00.000-08:00

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
The same middle name, ha ha.

HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!!!

I totally forgot about my blog

2005-11-17T10:11:00.000-08:00

Oops! I switched over to using Netscape rather than IE and so I'm working on repopulating my "recentlty visited sites" list and I just caught this one...so did you miss me?

Just going to spew some random stuff I guess, here goes:

Is anyone having trouble with Yahoo? My account is super slow and is always telling me there is a problem accessing my mailbox, etc. I've tried it from a number of computers and that was the reason for the switch to Netscape (which seemed to help a bit), but it's not looking good. Yahoo, how could you fail me again?!?? Well I hope it works out, but consider this your reminder to use the beverly.ingram@gmail.com address.

I dropped off my application for the apartment I'm interested in yesterday and guess what? The rent went DOWN since a week and a half ago! The price is now exactly right (it's the same as my WC apt once you factor in the move-in bonus and the $100 I'm supposedly getting from rent.com for using their site), so I'm really excited. Should find out by early next week if I got approved, wish me luck! One weird thing though is that I won't be able to use the gate buzzer (not planning on having a house phone and they can't link it to my cell since I have a 925 number), so people will have to call me and I can run out to let them in. Thank goodness I just bought a nice new bathrobe that can pass for outside clothes!

Oh, last weekend was great by the way. Went horseback riding with Julienne and some others on the beach in Daly City on Saturday, it was completely gorgeous and fun. THANKS JULIENNE AND ISABELLA! Hope we can do it again! Sunday was a first: went to a Japanese bath house in SF with some of the girls and we all hung out naked. Matt got Haydee a gift certificate for her birthday last month and she was kind enough to invite me to join her. It was oddly liberating to be taking a shower in the backyard of a house in the middle of the city, and the weather was really nice so lying on the deck was a treat. THANKS HAYDEE AND MATT!

I finally sent my first resume out, and I really hope I just get this job so I can quit looking ha ha. It sounds terrific; it is with the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer and it is mostly getting people involved (presenting to organizations and stuff) and supporting participants in their training and fundraising, plus working the events. It is a nine month contract position, which would be kind of neat, or could be totally crazy ha ha. Unfortunately, no idea what it pays. Why don't companies just list the freaking salary and save everybody time and annoyance!??? I'd say "What does it pay?" is a job seeker's number one question anout 98% of the time, so why do they bother with this "competitive salary" bullshit? And of course if you ask too early in the process they get all huffy. Oh well, I need the interview practice anyway so I'm sure I'll go on a few that turn out to be way below my minimum. It is totally ridiculous what they pay in the non-profit world (I have seen positions requiring masters degrees that start at like 37K), but at least we get personal satisfaction or some shit.

Blogger's spellchecker sucks. I mean how can I trust it is it doesn't even recognize "blog" as a word? Excuse my misspellings please.

Okay, those are my major issues at the moment, and if that's all I've got I guess life ain't so bad :-)

In the spirit of stealing blog stuff from your friends...

2005-11-10T11:34:00.000-08:00

Here are some baby porcupines from Haydee. If an apartment allows cats these would probably be okay, right? I want a baby porcupine! I want to carry one in my purse!

UPDATE: Word on the street is that these might be baby hedgehogs. Not as pokey as porcupines? Even better!

What's new with you?

2005-11-09T09:06:00.000-08:00

Okay I keep getting questions like "New job what?" and "Moving where?" so I guess I haven't filled everyone in on where my life is at right now. So in a nutshell:

Most of you know I've been ready for a new job for ages but now that it really is time to look I am totally slacking so I doubt anything will happen until the new year. I've been here for five years and on the plus side, I am now vested in the retirement system, but I am also thoroughly sick of this joint and need to move on. It is pretty nervewracking since I haven't done this whole thing since the post-college job hunt but I suppose that's life. I'm looking for something charitable but it doesn't necessarily have to be at a charity. I'd be happy to work in a community development type program at a corporation, since I've never really been in the private sector. But at this point I'm not going to be too picky. As long as it pays at least a decent chunk more than I'm making now and will look good on the resume in a couple years, I'll take it. Wish me luck!

And my latest excuse for not looking for a new job is the fact that I'm moving at the end of December. I'm sure all of you who have partied on Pond Isle will be sad to hear it, but the roomies are going their separate ways at the end of the lease and I just don't have the strength to take on more strangers from Craigslist. I'm actually pretty sad because I love that house so much and I've been so happy there. But I know that the majority of the happiness comes from spending time there with you all, and so hopefully I can convince you to drive a couple extra blocks to come see me at my new place. I've got a great apartment picked out right around the corner from where I am now (even closer to Trader Joe's, yay!), but I think I want to check out just a couple more places before I make the final decision. I'll let you know when I do, because that will determine the schedule for the LAST PARTY at the old place and the MOVING PARTY for the new place!

So that's where I'm at. I'm pretty stressed, and having to deal with all of this stuff over the holidays is lame, but hopefully things will be nice and settled in time for 2006! HOLY CRAP--2006!

New category: Cute things my nephews say

2005-11-07T10:20:00.000-08:00

Sorry guys, I've gotta do an adorable kid bit. Most of you know that my nephews Zach (almost 6 yrs) and Nathan (almost 2 yrs) are the loves of my life, and they crack me up in some way almost every time I see them. Like last night:

We're having dinner for my mom and my sister's birthdays and we're talking about my dad's recent hunting trip and what he is doing with the deer he slaughtered mercilessly (yeah, I know, but at least he eats it). So among other things he is having salami made, which caught Zach's ear. "Salami?" he says. "It's deer salami." my sister tells him. And Zach replies, "Dear salami, I love you."

How cute is that? Or do you have to be a completely infatuated aunt to get it? Does it help if I explain that that is what he always writes in birthday cards (substituting Aunt Bev, Mommy, Grandma, etc. for salami)? ANYONE? BUELLER?

Contest ends in 5...4...3...

2005-11-03T12:51:00.000-08:00

And the winner is NOBODY! You obviously don't know me at all :-(

They all sounded like great suggestions, but my very favorite sandwich is corned beef. It's not just for St. Patty's leftovers anymore folks! And first runner up is a nice french dip, mmmm mmm. Now we could quibble over deli vs. diner vs. breakfast sandwiches, but I really don't want to see things sink to that level.

So the winner by default is Walt, because spaghetti carbonara is my favorite pasta, and so the Quizno's chicken carbonara might be worth a shot. And no, this contest was not fixed at all, Walt and I are just right there as usual. Thank you all for your participation!

Not so secret contest

2005-11-01T15:02:00.000-08:00

Okay, I'll buy a sandwich for anyone who can name my favorite kind. There is one super correct answer, and one that I will take if nobody comes up with my number one.

Julia, grilled cheese was a good guess, and would have been correct in1983.

Introducing...

2005-10-28T09:45:00.000-07:00

To be a good blogger I need to have like bits, right? And then I can categorize my entries and you can search the archives very efficiently. Well, I'll file this one under:

RANTS!!

IS IT REALLY SO HARD TO GET A BAGEL ORDER RIGHT? Apparently it is. I work at one of the preeminent universities in the world, so one would assume that the kids who work at the Noah's here are students, and therefore some of the brightest minds in the country, right? WRONG.

What can you really do to screw up a bagel, you ask? Let's see, you can forget to toast it, you can burn it, you can forget the cream cheese (even though I just told you that the pumpkin cream cheese is the only reason I come in), you can give me the wrong fucking type of bagel, you can cut it all unevenly, you can not cut it all, and you know what I bet there are at least six other things those idiots could come up with just to annoy me. And it takes them about 15 minutes to get this incorrect order together, goddamn it anyway!

But seriously people, the pumpkin cheesecake cream cheese is worth whatever they throw at you. Go now. Just check your fucking order before you leave.

You know what I haven't done in a long time?

2005-10-25T14:47:00.000-07:00

One of these "Get to know your friends" quizzes!

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6am, 6:30am, 7:20am, 7:40am
2. Diamonds or pearls? Prince said he would give me both.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Haiku time!

I did see Flightplan.
Jodie Foster did not suck.
Golden popcorn, mmm.

4. What is your favorite TV show? Hey Dude
5. What did you have for breakfast? Golden Grahams
6. What is your middle name? Safety is my middle name!
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Lean
8. What foods do you dislike? Ones that are arrogant and dishonest.
9. What is your favorite chip? Ruffles sour cream and cheddar, with a Coke, preferably for breakfast.
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Alice 97.3
11. What kind of car do you drive? I believe they call it a "sports coupe."
12. What is your favorite sandwich? Twenty friendship points to anyone who can answer this.
13. What characteristics do you despise? Arrogance and dishonesty.
14. Favorite item of clothing? Flip flops, and NOTHING ELSE BABY!
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Kenosha, WI
16. What color is your bathroom? I pretend that it is not pink.
17. Favorite brand of clothing? Most anything at Tar-zhay.
18. Where would you want to retire to? The coast
19. Favorite time of day? bedtime
20. Where were you born? Berkeley, and goddamn it I seem to be stuck here!
21. Favorite sport to watch? Beefcakes in the Kitchen
22. Who do you least expect to send this back? Everyone
23. Person you expect to send it back first? Nobody
24. What type of detergent do you use? Liquid, I think it makes clothes smell better.
25. Coke or Pepsi? IS THERE ANY QUESTION??
26. Are you a morning person or night owl? I'm more about the midday.
27. What size shoe do you wear? 6.5-8.5
28. Do you have pets? Yep, two fish. Both named Fish.
29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? I'm pregnant!*
30. What did you want to be when you were little? The ice cream man. But I see now that that would have required too much surgery.
31. Favorite Candy Bar? Fun size.
32. What is your best childhood memory? One time my brother and his friends found an alien and brought it home to live in the closet. We ate Reese’s Pieces and played dress up!
33. What are the different jobs you have had in your life? Nothing exciting. You guys know I used to strip, right?
34 What color underwear are you wearing? Why do you always just assume I’m wearing underwear?
35. Nicknames: Bev, Bevie, Bevmo, Crusher
36. Piercing? My sister made me try piercing her belly button once, that was a great idea.
37. Eye color? Mostly white
38. Ever been to Africa? Only in my dreams
39. Ever been toilet papered? Only in stupid baby/wedding shower games
40. Love someone so much it made you cry? It wasn’t so much the loving as it was what came after ha
41. Been in a car accident? Never! I am an exceptionally good driver!
42. Croutons or bacon bits? On a salad: croutons. Straight up: bacon bits.
43. Favorite day of the week? Hump day, heh
44. Favorite restaurant? Delancey Street. I *heart* felons!
45. Favorite flower? All purpose
46. Favorite ice cream? Astronaut
47. Disney or Warner Brothers? Is this some big controversy I was unaware of?
48. Favorite fast food restaurant? I love me some JitB
49. What color is your bedroom carpet? I have a blue flowered throw rug that matched like six duvets ago.
50. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Never! I am an exceptionally good driver!
51. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail? I’ll guess and say Krissy, that would be right about 93% of the time.
52. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? If I’m spending frivolously and irresponsibly, may as well go with Tiffany.
53. What do you do most often when you are bored? I’m usually too drunk to be bored.
55. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire? I’d like to see what that "Filter gold now!" guy has to say.
56. Last person you went out to eat with? TIMMY TIM!!!!!!!! WOOOOO!!!!!!!
57. Ford or Chevy? Acura
58. What are you listening to right now? My sick coworker’s germ explosion
61. How many tattoos do you have? 2
62. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? I wish I could remember the dirty joke punch line
63. How many people are you sending this email to? The whole wide internet
64. Time you finished this e-mail? 2:27pm and then I lost half of it and had to put in another 20 mins. Your tax dollars hard at work right here!

*Calm down people, I’m kidding. But Leah and Olav just announced to the blog world that they are expecting a wee one, CONGRATS!!

And how was your weekend?

2005-10-24T14:13:00.000-07:00

Mine was great, in that "I didn't actually do anything" way...stayed in bed for hours and hours after waking up, only getting up when the need for a pumpkin spice latte (god bless Starbucks!) and eventually a breakfast burrito became overwhelming, and really I can't think of a better way to start the day.

Finally got out of the house around 3:30, made a very productive trip to Target, then had dinner with my family which was Tim's second visit to the circus of Mom, Dad, Sis, Bro-in-law, two nephews, one grandma, one dog, and a partridge in a pear tree. It was a blast! And of course since it was a Saturday night we had to hit "da club," and let me tell you we found this awesome place called "Aisle 27 at Fry's Electronics." The DJs are spinning your favorite club hits, at max volume to see if the systems they're looking at will annoy the neighbors enough (here's a hint: FUCK YES they will, turn that shit down!). I especially loved the mash ups of everyone testing a different system at the same time, that really had me droppin it like it was hot.

On Sunday Timmy Tim and I went to EVERY OTHER electronics store in the East Bay and still did not find a DVD player at a decent price with the funny little square plug-in thing that he was looking for to add to the evolving home theater system. But luckily Target came to the rescue as usual and he's got everything mostly hooked up now so he's super stoked. And I swear I have never been so excited to watch two movies I have absolutely no interest in (Star Wars and The Matrix). The SOUND! And the PICTURE! They were--just like regular TV, sorry sweetie. But now I don't have to wear my glasses to see the TV across the room, that's a plus.

So yep, that was about it, but it was terrific.

I'll post anything to get out of writing an actual entry.

2005-10-21T11:55:00.000-07:00

1. What is your full name? Beverly Gayle Ingram
2. What color pants are you wearing? Why do you always just assume I'm wearing pants??
3. What are you listening to right now? The sound of silence
4. What was the last thing you ate? A toasted whole wheat sesame bagel from Noah's with pumpkin cheesecake cream cheese on the side, which doesn't sound too difficult but they still managed to screw my order up.
5. Do you wish on stars? Yes, Paris Hilton is my favorite!
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Didn't they used to have a totally non-PC, peachy color called "skin"?
7. How is the weather right now? They don't like us to think about outside when we're working.
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My punk-ass sister, Jen
9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? I like her in a "She's friends with Haydee" way.
10. How old are you today? 27, all day long!
11. Favorite drink? The one I will be having at 5:01 pm tonight
12. Favorite sport? TV
13. Hair color? Dark blonde
14. Do you wear contacts? yes
15. Siblings? Jennifer and (little known fact alert) Tammy
16. Favorite month? September
17. Favorite food? Any Asian
18. What was the last movie you saw? I've seen about the first 45 mins of lots of movies lately.
19. Favorite day of the year? Thanksgiving! Mmmm, gravy.
20. What do you do to vent anger? I drink until the pain goes away.
21. What was your favorite toy as a child? Whatever the commercials told me I HAD TO HAVE!
22. Summer or winter? Winter
23. Hugs or kisses? Lots of both
24. Chocolate or vanilla? Lots of both
25. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? Yes, or I will feel sad and alone.
26. Who is most likely to respond? Anyone who is as bored as I am today
27. Who is least likely to respond? Well Leah is obviously far too busy for silly things like this.
28. When was the last time you cried? Probably in Rome. Stupid Italian train idiots.
29. What is under your bed? Nothing, I am clutter free!
30. Who is the friend you have had the longest? David, but does anyone actually "have" this wild mustang?
31. What did you do last night? Ask Tim ;-)
32. What are you afraid of? Being sad and alone, so please email me.
33. Plain, buttered or salted popcorn? Garlic and parmesan.
34. Favorite car? Chauffeured
35. Favorite flower? Ones I did not buy for myself.
Now it is your turn, let me hear from you

What, like I'm going to work for the last hour of the day?

2005-10-20T15:20:00.000-07:00

Okay guys, I'm just test driving this whole blog thing, and now I realize that I don't necessarily have much to say. Unless you want me to start talking shit, I can do that all day long for damn sure. But until someone pisses me offf enough to get called out in cyberspace, we're going with a Seinfeld-esque blog about nothing:

As of yesterday, I have officially been at my job for five VERY LONG years. It's amazing that I lasted this long really, this place is totally crazy. I will refrain from talking detailed shit because we all know that's a bad idea in a public forum, but suffice to say that the administration of this institution does not live up to it's renowned place in the academic world.

I've started looking at other opportunities and honestly it is making me pretty nervous. I mean I 'm sure I will eventually get a job, it is just going to be a lot of work finding one and I'm rusty since I haven't been on an interview for five years and one week. And then I will have to learn all sorts of new things, and meet new people, and maybe even commute more, yuck. Boo hoo hoo, poor me! But since I plan to be paid a whole hell of a lot more than I'm making now it should all be worth it. So send me good vibes and any leads you have in the non-profit arena, preferably in the $100K+ range, thanks!

And now, a blog haiku.

2005-10-18T10:16:00.000-07:00

I think people post such crazy shit just so their friends don't get all "Blah blah blah, you never update" so here ya go:

Go to the dentist.
See Flightplan with my mother.
This will be my day.

Is this thing on??

2005-10-13T10:28:00.000-07:00

Okay guys, due to popular demand (What? Julienne and Shelley are popular!) I am back and blogging better than ever. Except instead of better it will probably be boring since I am not traveling the world anymore. But I know you are all dying to hear about the creepy man at the oil change place and the dirty dirty movies I have seen since I got back, and I certainly would not want to rob you of those vicarious experiences, so surf back for all of the latest updates on my thrill-a-minute life!

Oh and if you want some link love email me with your blog address, all the cool kids have one now you know.

Home again, home again...

2005-09-28T13:54:00.000-07:00

My god, I have never been so happy to see Oakland! After a million hours flying I finally made it home last night and couldn't be happier to be here. Until Friday that is, when I get to see everyone!

Thanks so much to all of you for keeping in touch with me, it meant so much to know you were all behind me in my fight against the evil train station agents of Europe. Also thanks to all of you who gave me advice, books, bags, euros, and everything else; I hope I can return the favor sometime. Except for the euros, I spent every last cent, god bless duty free shopping! I swear I was thisclose to buying a diamond ring at the airport...

And so, in the grand tradition of Walt, it is now time to announce the winner of our secret contest! For making the most blog comments (aside from my mom I think, but unfortunately family members of Bevco, Int'l. employees are prohibited from entry), the winner winner chicken dinner is: SHELLEY! Or any kind of dinner you want girl, we'll set something up when you're back in town. And you also get one week of free vacation at the Bevco villa in Tuscany (James, I picked out some nice possibilities, we'll need to go over the numbers)...

Okay, off to catch up on Tivo and have dinner with the fam, CAN'T WAIT to see you on Friday!

Lotsa love,
Bev

Found em!

2005-09-26T01:55:00.000-07:00

How could I miss the hookers, they are right there in the window! It is seriously crazy, there are a few blocks where the ladies are in these street level window rooms, like the size of a phone booth. They're mostly wearing lingerie and they are just waiting for someone to come buy them I guess. Some were filing their nails or doing their make up or whatever, it was hot. Walt, the only price I heard mentioned was 50 euro but I don't know what that was for, use your imagination...and sadly no male escorts, can I get some gender equity over here please?!

So after I checked the red light district off of my list of things to do I did EVEN MORE souvenir shopping, I can't believe I had it in me. But I did such a good job of packing and not picking up too much stuff along the way that with only a day and a half to go I am gonna make sure that backpack is crammed full. Wooden shoes for everyone!

Yesterday I had a few more things on my list: Van Gogh Museum (loved it, bought a poster that will be a total pain on the plane), the Heineken Museum (10 euro and you get three free beers, and a free Heine glass to take home, luckily in a cute tin so it may make it home in one piece), and guess what, just a little more shopping. Then I bought myself a nice steak dinner (they seem to be really big on the Argentinian steakhouses here) to give me energy for the last little leg of the trip, and got on the right tram and off at the right stop so I found the hostel just fine.

Today I'm going to try to visit the Anne Frank house and then I'll take the tram to the train station to the airport to London, then my very own hotel room with private bath, back to the airport tomorrow morning, stop over in ATL and then HOME!!!!!!!! Can't wait!

Oh yeah, and I got my nose pierced. See ya soon!

Stooflvees is not stroopwafel.

2005-09-24T10:15:00.000-07:00

Dude, Dutch is hard. It is like no other language I've ever seen, except maybe Swedish. Imagine if everywhere you went and everything you wanted to buy or eat or whatever was labeled with Ikea signs, it is crazy. They don't even look like real words!

So that is how I ended up with french fries with what seemed to be stew on top (stooflvees) for lunch and a crepe filled with chicken, BBQ sauce, and what I swear was fruit cocktail for dinner. But you know what, I am them both. Happy Ann? I forgot to tell you I also had carpaccio in Italy, I loved that. And I tried but couldn't get a hold of any escargots in France, they're slippery little suckers (ten points to the first person to name that quote! Shel, I'm countin on you.)...

Today was great, I went to a flea market that was hardly crappy at all, and then to a really cool museum that is in an old church. It wasn't exactly what I expected (the theme for the day) but they had a really neat exhibit comparing the same themes in art from all different cultures. It had a pie chart showing how you should view it though, that stressed me out a little...now I'm in the old city center and still on the hunt for hookers, wish me luck!

Mybe the Christians aren't so bad after all!

2005-09-24T02:39:00.000-07:00

Ha ha, just kiddin Rachey! But seriously, this Christian hostel I ended up in (I decided it would be good to have a place in Amsterdam where there craziness is def left outside) is the best so far. The people are so nice and helpful, and it is super clean. I'm sure glad "the lord" called them to run a flop house! I saw through their offer of a free dinner and a "program" though, so don't worry I'm not getting brainwashed into their lifestyle.

Other than that Amsterdam is good so far. I headed to what the guidebook called the young hip area last night and it was def both of those things. I hung out at a coffeeshop for a while and got stuck talking to this old American guy who seems to have fully embraced the hippie lifestyle here. I passed on his offer of a boat ride today though, I didn't dodge the Christians just to let myself get kidnapped! Then I had dinner (sushi finally, yay!) and bought even more souvenirs and headed back to the hostel. Got super lost for the first time but found a police station (first time ever in one mom, I promise) and they helped me out. Now I'm off to see some more sights and wrap up my last wknd of vacation!

Mon dieu!

2005-09-22T13:57:00.000-07:00

Wow, Paris has been great! I'm sorry Leah, I tried to hate the frogs on your behalf but they pretty much stayed out of my way. I did pick up the souvenir that you and Olav loved, I'm sure my almost two year old nephew will love it! Not saying that you guys were mesmerized by a child's toy or anything...

So in the last two days I've spent about 15 hours total in museums (Louvre, Rodin, and D'Orsay) and I have officially seen more art than you can shake a stick at. It was all amazing though, I've probably seen more masterpieces since yesterdya afternoon than ever before in my life. And I probably only saw about half of what was available in all of them. But I think I def got my money's worth out of France and I'm heading to Amsterdman tomorrow, where I plan to get my culture at the Heiniken brewery (free beer and snacks, just the thing for a budget traveler).

Ay yi yi, I can't even think straight, my last stop was the impressionist wing and so my brain has sort of taken on a soft, blurry tone. Goodnight guys, talk to you soon!

Bellisima!

2005-09-20T02:17:00.000-07:00

Wow, I have to say yesterday was one of the best birthdays I've ever had, but I've been saying that every year since I met you guys, right?

The weather turned out to be gorgeous of course, but I'm still really glad I came into town from the campground. My little single room (number 27, coincidentally) was perfect, and in a fun area. I spent the day walking all over the island and buying lots of presents, mostly for others but I did get myself a nice handbag and I can't wait to say "Oh this old thing? Just something I picked up in Venice..." By the end of my wandering I was pretty beat so I hopped on a waterbus (and I even paid this time!) to head back to my neighborhood, and the ticket price was totally worth it as it went right past the Campanile, one of the iconic images of Venice (as seen in the picture hanging above my bed) and one of the main things I was hoping to see on my trip.

After that I relaxed a little, toasted myself with some nice prosecco, and went out to a lovely dinner, all in all just about a perfect day. And when I got back to the B&B I found that my mom had called to thoroughly embarass me by telling the guy in reception that it was my birthday, so I had a nice little Italian serenade and then it was off to bed.

I have most of the day here and I'm going to see if I can get myself over to Murano before hopping the night train to Paris! Ciao Italia, thanks for everything!

Happy birthday to me!

2005-09-19T04:39:00.000-07:00

You know how I like to play my little "Where was I five years ago?" "Where do I think I'll be five years from now?" game on my birthday? Well if you had asked me when I was 22 if I thought I'd be sitting at an internet cafe in Venice on my 27th birthday the answer would have probably been to laugh in your face. But I love that, seeing how far off the track you can get but still being so happy. Makes me really excited to see where I'll be at 32!

After being trappe din the tent for a full day, with two more days of rain in the forecast I decide dto treat myself to a night in town and I found a great B&B right near the train station for only 50 euros, which is amazing. It is walking distance to everything and after all the time lying down and reading yesterday I really need to get out there and stretch my legs. Love and miss you all, wish so much you were here to share the day with me! Looking forward to celebrating when I get back!

Rain rain, go away...

2005-09-18T08:18:00.000-07:00

Okay, the thunderstorm last night was kind of exciting and pretty bearable as my tent is totally waterproof (amazing) and I had a stock of cheese and Nutella, but now after a full day of rain the charm is wearing off. And it looks like Venice will be pretty waterlogged (well I mean more so than usual) until I leave on Tuesday night so that should be fun.

But Saturday was a great day once I got out of the train station. I really think that the lack of cars makes Venice seem a lot less overwhelming, and so I was able to walk around and see some of the sights and pick up some more souvenirs. I ended the day with a nice bottle of prosecco in a lovely little square off the tourist track, so it was really the sort of European experience I've been looking for since I got here. I actually think it was my best day so far.

The rain started just as I got to the bus stop to return to the campground, and pretty much hasn't let up since. So much for one more day by the pool! But this has been a great little break and I'll def be ready to take on Paris in a couple days, which should be more of the crazy running around that I did in Rome.

Not much more to say today, since I've spent just about all of it reading in my tent. Luckily there is a restaurant here so I'm going to go see about a nice hot dinner. Mmmmm, minestrone...

Fuck it, I'm going to Paris!

2005-09-17T07:48:00.000-07:00

Despite a long term hatred of all things Francais (I spit on you Madame Eichman, French teacher from hell!), it seems that the direct trains from Venice are limited to only a few cities, so Paris it is! At least that was the best I could come up with, the Italian trian agents are useless. I've found that you have to ask at least three times to get a straight answer: "Do you have any maps of trains outside of Italy?" "No just Italy." "But I picked up this brochure of your trains to Switzerland, do you have other brochures like this?" "No only Switzerland." "Can you tell me what other countries I can get to direct from Venice?" "Here are brochures with maps for France, Germany, and Austria, go away."

I had to laugh when I booked my ticket because that was nowhere near my plan, but that's the fun of backpacking I guess. I'm taking and overnight train on Tuesday (so I sure hope I can get an extra night at the campsite here in Venice), and then will stay one or two nights in Paris (insert your own Hilton joke here). Nuts! But hopefully I can figure out the deal with reservations at the Louvre if necessary, so it doesn't just turn into another world class museum that I skip due to lines, ha ha. From there onto Amsterdam and then HOME!

My gondola awaits...

2005-09-17T01:55:00.000-07:00

Actually, at about $75/hr for a ride it is going to be waiting an awfully long time, but I'm sure I will enjoy it from afar. I spent all day yesterday at the campground pool which was relaxing and fantastic. So I am getting my first real crack at the city today, but it looks very walkable so I should be good without a personal gondolier, though I will miss the singing...

My first stop when I get into town will be the train station because (and I imagine this will be about the only time in my life I will say this) I don't know what country to go to next! I was planning on Belgium but hostels in Brussels look pretty pricey so I'm open to other suggestions. I'm sure I'll figure it out after some quality time with the internet/guidebook/train schedule though, and actually it is pretty exciting to have so many options. Too bad stupid France is in the way, or I'd hop over to Spain for a few days.

Okie dokie, gotta go catch the bus (and another bus), luckily the ticket system here is as lax as everywhere else in Italy, so I'm saving lots of money on public transpo :-)

Love and miss you all!

How do you say "bug spray" in Italian?

2005-09-15T12:15:00.000-07:00

Well, Florence wrapped up nicely and here I am in Venice! Still didn't get into any major museums due to huge lines but I saw the Duomo about 15 times to make up for it. I swear, it is an astonishing piece of architecture, but eventually it just turns into a big neon sign flashing "You are walking in circles!" But hey, at least I'm walking in circles in Florence, where there is great shopping around every corner. That was probably my favorite city so far, but I have high hopes for Venice. Especially that mosquito repellant is readily avaialable and does not cost an arm and a leg. Well I guess it doesn't matter, if they want these bumpy, itchy arms and legs they can have them!

Other than the mosquitos (which actually were a problem in the hostels too since nobody ever closes the windows), camping is still terrific. Because I stayed with the same chain I got a deal and so I rented out both beds to have the tent to myself for just a few euro more than I would have paid in a dorm type hostel, score! And this place is a bit more resort like, with a pool and bar etc., so I think I'll just rest up here tomorrow and attack Venice the next day. If the mosquitos don't carry me off first.

Gosh, totally brain dead now, it has been a looooong day (but awesome--I frickin woke up in Florence and am going to bed in Venice)...good night all, talk to you soon!

Who would have thought that camping would make me feel better?

2005-09-14T04:10:00.000-07:00

So when I went to book my hostel for Florence pickings were getting kind of slim, but some girls at the hostel recommended a camping place, where they have platform tents and a great view of the city. I figured it couldn't be any worse than the hostels so what the hell, right?

And you know what? It is fantastic! The tents are for two people but nobody ever showed up to share mine (and actually the price is low enough that you couold buy both beds for only about 10 euro more than the hostel), so it was the first privacy I've had since I left Leah's. There are cots with thick foam pads and they are just as confortable as the crappy bunkbeds I've been in up to this poitn. And finally there are decent showers where you actually have enough room to work without touching the gross walls. I was able shave my legs for the first time in a week!

I also met a nice American girl who is traveling alone so we had dinner and are checking out the city together today, which is just what I needed. I know that this is a great opportunity to meet people from other countries and talk to them, but honestly half the time you cannot do anything beyond chit chat due to the language barrier, and going over and over the "Where are you from? Where have you been? Where are you going?" gets old really fast. It's been nice to be able to have an actual full conversation!

Florence is just as gorgeous but much less crowded than Rome, so I'm really enjoying it so far. There is more art on the street here than in all of the museums of SF I think, it is amazing. The two main museums have giant lines, but I'm going to see if I can make reservations to catch those later. Today I'm just getting the feel of the place and checking out the awesome markets for souvenirs. I also have a list of about six Mail Boxes Etc. so I am bound and determined to find a place to ship some of this crap home (so I can start refilling my backpack of course).

So all in all, I'm loving this place. It is beautiful and accessible, and people have been so helpful so far. I think I'll probably stay a third night here and then head to the sister campsite in Venice, which has a pool and should be a great place to relax. I was getting overwhelmed with running from place to place so I think I'll probably cut out a couple of stops (Switzerland still uses francs and I just can't handle another currency at this point), but I still have so much to see and do in the next week and a half! I think I finally feel prepared for it though.

Oh and when I got to the internet place (only downside about the camping is that their comms are really pricey) I realized I had bird shit in my hair, but that's means good luck, right?

Love and miss you all, wish you were here!

And then I started crying.

2005-09-12T11:32:00.000-07:00

Well, this did not exactly turn out to be the relaxing day at the beach I had hoped!

Yesterday I asked a guy at the information desk at the train station where I could go to the beach. His English seemed quite good, and he asked me if I wanted to swim and so I thought we were definitely on the same page. Apparently we were not. Unless they have swimming at the airport, because that is where he told me to buy a ticket for. He wrote it down for me and everything!

Luckily I decided to double check this morning (after I had already bought my ticket of course, but it was only 10 euro) and the lady in the ticket office looked at me like I was crazy when I asked here what stop to get off at for the beach. She didn't think much better of me when I started weeping either, ha ha. I was just so tired and frustrated and all I wanted to do was lay in the sun and read my book and I just couldn't contain myself, but at least they were just the leaky tears, not big sobs. So, with 3 desk agents discussing the crazy American girl in rapid fire Italian, it was finally decided that I should go to Ostia, wherever the hell that is. But no problem, she wrote the directions down for me! And we all know how succesful that was the first time, right?

This time the trouble came when I needed to switch trains, and the station had no less that three different types to choose from (imagine BART, Caltrain, and Amtrak all at the same station, with very few signs and even fewer employees). So I walked and walked and walked through their underground maze of tunnels, and finally found another ticket agent and of course he said I needed to turn around and go all the way back to where I started. On the plus side, I had only bought one metro ticket by this point, because nobody in Rome seems to care at all if you have a ticket or not. Which is good, because I was hopping on and off trains and buses like it was going out of style. Eventually I saw signs for the Ostia train and guess what? There were four different stops. So I decided just to follow the two girls across from me who were in their beach gear, and who had been discussing the stops in Italian with the lady sitting next to them.

That seemed like a great plan until it became obvious that they didn't know where they were going either. At that point I decided to stop stalking them and actually ask them where they were going, and they kindly agreed to let me follow along. They were Austrian and were effortlessly switching from Italian to English to German, it made me feel like a total dunce but they were obviously smarter than I am so I was happy to be with them.

One last bus ride and we were finally at the beach. And it had only taken me 3 hrs to go about 15 miles. It wasn't a glorious Mediterranean retreat (because it was the Tyrrhenian Sea), but it was better than nothing and I had a few nice hours before I started the trip back. It was a lot easier since, as the saying goes "All roads lead to Rome," right? And now I am back safe and sound at my home away from home: the internet cafe.

And tomorrow I'll be heading to Florence! I'm looking forward to it because I hope the pace will be slower than Rome. I really am enjoying myself but there is so much to see that it is just overwhelming, and with all the logistics to sort out it seems an awful lot like work actually. But I'm sure I'll get the hang of everything, just in time to come home.

Buono sera (sp?)...

Apparently the internet = terrorism

2005-09-11T10:36:00.000-07:00

So the Italian government is obviously just as nutty as ours in the good old US of A, because they have decreed that hostels cannot offer internet access as a means of reducing terrorism. Mmkay...so here I sit at an internet cafe, where I think they just charge you at whim, always a good thing for a traveler on a budget! But you know I just could not miss a chance to rub Rome in your faces...

Sidebar: keyboards her are weird, especially those that have been bashed to death by a million internet cafe visitors. So please excuse typos and lack of punctation.

Okie dokie, so to bring you up to speeds, yesterday I visited the Tower of London (what a downer, all they talk about is murder and torture, etc.) and then began the loooooong journey to Rome. Flying was still better than trying to take a train, but it took one London city bus, one airport shuttle, one hundred miles of walking in the airport (which was essentially a cattle yard, total madness), one airplane, one more shuttle and thankfully a very short walk to the hostel. Which kind of sucks ass. Aside from the lack of internet, it is in a pretty old building and it kind of stinks. The room is about the same as London though, which means dormtastic. On the plus side the showers are slightly better (no button) and you can actually control the temp yourself, as opposed to London where the only option was "too fucking hot for this muggy climate."

So! Feeling nice and clean and dry for the first time in about 3 days I set out into Rome this morning. I started out at a popular flea market called Porta Portese and let's just say I could have gotten almost the same experience at Lake Merritt BART. So I bought pirated DVDs for everyone! Too bad you won't be able to play them in America. Actually all I bought was a shawl for myself, I gotta get crackin on the souvenir hunting.

God, I can't believe that was only this morning, because I have basically been everywhere since then. I'm a total dumbass and didn't note the fact that most museums and sites are closed on Mondays in Rome, so I had to hit a lot of stuff today since I'm planning to leave Tues morning-ish.

So the list: Piazza Venezia, Roman Forum (and a couple other random forums)/Palatino, Colosseum, San Pietro in Vincoli, a nice lunch at Chinese place (I tell ya, these Italians sure know their lemon chicken), Palazzo Barberini and the Galleria d'Arte Antica, Piazza della Repubblica and the Museo Nazionale Romano, and now this lovely internet joint around the corner from the hostel. It is impossible to tell how much ground I actually covered but I estimate it to be roughly a lot. Roman public trans is cool, you basically don't have to pay. I did because I'm a sucker, but I'll be damned if I can figure out what to do with the day travelcard (no machines to run it through, etc). I guess it is the honor system. And speaking of, they aren't to hip to honor here because one of the first things I witnessed was the guy next to me on the bus getting pickpocketed (Mom, DO NOT tell Dad!). Overhearing his convo, it sounded like he didn't have anything for the thief to grab when he stuck his hand in his pocket, but he was all pissed off, which is pretty funny in a British accent.

I think I'm gonna head back to the hostel now and relax for a bit, and probably go grab dinner (there is a Korean BBQ place around the corner :-). Don't worry, I'll get to the authentic Italian cuisine soon, I just need my Asian fix after being away from Berkeley for a week. May try to go check out a couple more places tonight that I think will be nice all lit up (Trevi Fountain, Spanish Steps), but who knows. If everything works out I'm going to the beach tomorrow (1/2 hr by train), and trust me, a day of lying down in the sun is just what this girl needs.

Love and miss each and every one of you, even those of you who usually piss me off ha ha. I'm a tiny bit lonely at times but looking forward to seeing you all when I get home is terrific. Can't wait!

Like I have time for HTML

2005-09-09T16:19:00.000-07:00

Okay guys, I want to give blog Princess Leah (she loves to be called that!) a shout out and a link, but I am sure not getting into coding on vacation so here it is:

http://www.leahandolavgotoengland.blogspot.com/

Check it out for updates on her recent super fun house guest!

LOVE YA LEAH AND OLAV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One country down, three (or four or five) to go!

2005-09-09T16:16:00.000-07:00

Well if I do say so myself I saw the shit out of London over the past two days! It was by no means enough time to do this city justice, but hey it is more than I would have seen if I didn't come, right? Today I went to Picadilly Circus (no scary clowns thank goodness), and then walked for seven hours. I went through lots of tourist areas, like Trafalgar Square, Chinatown, and Porntown (Jen, tell Zach I bought him a present!) but also saw some of what I think are more "regular" people areas so that was great. After a while I decided to sit down and have a beer (a nice imported Corona) and then I was going to walk to my next destination but I hopped on the tube instead to go one stop. And I swear to god, when I got out of the next station I could see the restaurant I was just at. Well I guess even a few minutes off your feet is better than nothing, and at least I got some more use out of my day travelcard.

So about 1000 miles (don't believe the hype, they use miles here, not km) later I found may way to the lovely Fortune Theatre and saw a play called "The Lady in Black" which has been running for over 15 years here, so I guess they think it's great. Me, not so much. But it was decent and half price, good enough for me!

Tomorrow I'm just going to wrap up a few things in the morning and then fly to Rome in the afternoon. Ho hum, just another Saturday for me!

Okay, that was different.

2005-09-08T14:40:00.000-07:00

Just had to write a quick post about the hostel experience so far. Leah, it is nothing like the Shakesperience! It will probabably take some getting used to. And they could use more lasers.

The strangest thing so far has been the shower. You know how sinks in public bathrooms have that "water only runs when you hold the button" thing? Imagine trying to take a shower in that situation. Not the easiest thing ever, but hey at least there's hot water (if you hold the button long enough), right? A little tip from me to you: leaning back against it is the way to go but still kinda sucks. It's all part of the adventure though, right?

So now it's almost 11pm and I think I'm just going to call it a night so I can get a good start on tomorrow. Maybe I'll get to chat with my roommates before bed and learn about the far off places they are from (Redwood City and Los Gatos)...

Toto, I don't think we're in Leamington anymore.

2005-09-08T13:03:00.000-07:00

Wow, now I feel like I'm really getting started on the grand tour! London is totally amazing. I know that's kind of a useless description but that's how I feel. It is just so obviously not America, so it is really setting in that I'm a long, long way from home, but in a fantastic way.

Leah and I took the train in this afternoon (about 1.5 hrs) and I got myself settled in the hostel. Meaning I claimed an upper bunk in the 8 person room (about the size of mine back home, crazy), threw my backpack down, and ran out to grab a pint ha ha. I had to get my courage up for the London Dungeon and let me tell you it was a thrill a minute, especially the pyrotechnics! I will never think of the plague in the same way again, that's for sure! Then it was a quick hop on the tube (I know you'll be shocked, but it's far superior to BART) over to the British Museum. Of course they were having a special event so the most popular galleries were closed, but I saw the Rosetta Stone from just outside the space where it is and a nice guard even snapped a close up pic for me. I also saw a replica in another part of the museum, and can you believe that Leah licked it? She is one crazy girl!

But that crazy girl has taken her leave of me and now I'm on my own, watch out London! I'm a little nervous but mostly really excited to see how I do (don't worry mom, I'll be fine). Heading back to the hostel now, hoping to hit the rooftop hot tub, and then make some plans for tomorrow. Updates may be less frequent now, but more action packed!

8 people to a room? Seriously?

2005-09-07T14:17:00.000-07:00

So tomorrow I begin the actual backpacking portion of the trip, yikes! Goodbye privacy, hello earplugs! I'm giving the eight person room a shot in London since prices are so crazy expensive here, wish me luck. I figure if I survived a whole semester in the eight girl room in the sorority house, two nights here should be manageable, right? RIGHT?

Super fabulous Leah is heading into town with me and we're planning to check out the London Dungeon (dragon free since 1723!) and/or the British Museum. If it is anything like our trip to Stratford-upon-Avon today, I'm sure there will be a fantastic lunch and much confusion about which old church we are actually in at the moment (luckily only a couple of you will know the difference when I show you pictures). Hopefully fewer vicious swan attacks though.

Hmmm, I'm running out of steam since I hardly slept last night (note to self: reread Peavy's email re: sleeping pills; thank her again for her wonderful advice). My body is still totally confused about what time it is, and to be honest, between the 24 hour clocks everywhere and trying to figure out what time it is back home I barely know myself. It's definitely bedtime though!

Love and miss you all bunches!

Authentic English pub: check!

2005-09-06T15:38:00.000-07:00

Just checked out a local pub here in Leamington and I managed all of one beer before they shut down at 11:30. Apparently if you're a local you can get "locked in" which means the place is officially closed but you can stick around and keep spending money for a couple more hours. I guess Leah, Lisa (L&O's neighbor from Michigan) and I didn't really qualify though, so here we are back home. Tomorrow is Stratford-upon-Avon, birthplace of Mr. William T. Shakespeare! I'm very excited to see that and then I'll be heading into London on Thursday. Okay, I have to go to the bathroom so no time to be cute, I'll talk at you all later! Love and miss you!

PS, Thanks for all the comments guys, I love feeling so in touch with you from so far away...hope you suckers are having fun at work!

And now we return to our regular (possibly boring) reports...

2005-09-06T10:37:00.000-07:00

I was going to keep a journal of the things I've done and seen, but now that I have this snazzy new blog I'll just write here, and you can skip over the boring stuff...like the flight report:

The first leg to Atlanta was just fine. The plane was fairly empty so there was plenty of room to stretch out and enjoy the latest Ashton Kutcher tour de fource: "A Lot Like Love." Sorry Demi, I give your BF a thumbs down :-( Seriously, do they need to try to make these flights worse? To add insult to injury, the movie on the second leg was "Monster-in-Law" for goodness sake. Like it isn't hard enough to sleep without Jennifer Lopez yapping at me. Oh well, that's why god invented sleeping pills I guess (thanks for the tip Peavy!). The pseudo-pot roast and mashed potatoes they served for dinner were surprisingly decent though.

So I made it to Gatwick and got through passport control (guess that warrant hasn't shown up on the international records yet, heh) and the first thing I saw when I got through customs was a reporter rushing over to ask me if I'd come from America, and if so had I been affected by the hurricane. Over 6000 miles away and that is still all they're talking about! Unfortunately after 15 hours of traveling I wasn't quick enough on my feet to make up a sad story and tell the British public where they could send their donations to help me rebuild.

Olav picked me up just a few minutes later and we made the 2 hour drive back to Leamington Spa. Five airports in the London area and I manage to pick the one that is furthest from them, good job Bev! But both Leah and Olav have been incredibly gracious so far, and I appreciate their hospitality and generosity so much, especially since this is probably the last place I'll have a private bed and bath for three weeks.

Today Leah and I visited Warwick, the next town over and home to a very impressive castle and church. I'll show you about 50 pictures of them when I get home, you'll be thrilled! Now we're back at their place and planning on dinner and a pub, wish me luck! I hear these English people are serious about their drinking...

So hopefully that walked the fine line between boring you to death and rubbing your nose in the amazing time I'm having so far! I miss you all so much already and can't wait to see you again, I just wish I didn't have to come home to do it, ha ha. Talk to you soon!

Look at me now!

2005-09-06T10:21:00.000-07:00

So not only have I embarked on the biggest vacation of my life (so far), but I've gone and got myself a blog! Proving that she truly is the hostess with the mostest (a title I gladly hand over), Leah got me all set up here at blogger. I think this will be the very best way to keep you all updated on how things are going, cutting down on the copying an pasting for me and the annoying emails for you. So swing by if you want to know where I'm at and what I'm up to!